# OLN Fires Phil Ligget!



## Spunout (Aug 12, 2002)

OLN Fires Phil Liggett 

Paris, July 5 (Reuters) - Outdoor Life Network today severed its contract with Phil Liggett, a perennial favorite cycling
announcer both in England and in the United States. A spokesperson for
Outdoor Life Network said, "We regret having to let Phil go, but he knew the terms of our agreement when he signed on. Namely, he is required to allude to Lance Armstrong three times per minute, with at least one of those mentions being by name. Most importantly, at no point in time shall forty seconds ever elapse without a mention of Lance Armstrong."

"Today, sadly, Mr. Liggett broke the terms of that agreement. When David Zabriskie had his unfortunate accident today, Phil failed for 40 seconds to put it in the context of whether this would impact Lance Armstrong or whether Lance Armstrong would would have fallen, or asking what Lance Armstrong must be thinking about this accident right that moment."

When reached for comment, co-commentator Paul Sherwin said, "I had my
'Lance Stopwatch' going -- it's what we use to help remind us when it's
time to mention Lance again.â€ Continued Sherwin, â€œWhen Zabriskie fell, Liggett started actually talking about how disastrous it was for the rider, instead of -- as is proper -- talking about this would affect Lance and how he would no doubt have words of advice on the proper way to ride a bicycle for young Zabriskie. When twenty seconds elapsed, I signaled to the timer. Then thirty seconds elapsed -- still no mention, so I made the sign of the Texas Longhorn, the code we use to signal that we need to immediately divert the conversation toward Armstrong. Still nothing.

Visibly shaken, Sherwin finished, After forty-five seconds, Phil
managed to bring the conversation back round to Armstrong, but by then
it was too late. OLN Security was knocking at the door, ready to escort
Phil from the premises.

Interviewed in his hotel room in Paris, Liggett looked like a man who
has lost his best friend. I'm a huge fan of Armstrong, said Liggett. I haven't pretended to be impartial for years. But between Bob Roll and that marionette Al Trautwig, our Armstrong-centricism seemed pretty well covered, and I suppose I briefly let my guard down. I wonder what Lance Armstrong thinks about that? Then, realizing the habit of mentioning Armstrong even when completely irrelevant was still with him, Liggett briefly looked melancholy -- which is the British equivalent of an American having a complete nervous breakdown.

OLN has moved swiftly to replace Liggett, putting former
color-commentator Al Trautwig in his spot. Said Trautwig regarding his
promotion, Lance Armstrong. Lance Lance Lance Armstrong. Armstrong
Armstrong Lance Lance Lance Lance. Six-time Tour de France winner. Lance Armstrong Lance Armstrong, Lance Armstrong.

This is going to work out just fine, said the OLN spokesperson.


----------



## West End Rail NJ (Apr 28, 2005)

*hilarious*

you must be a fan of the big german


----------



## RodeRash (May 18, 2005)

Rumors around OLN suggest that the network is looking to replace Ligget's empty spot with Lance Armstrong after he retires. Currently, negotiations are being held up by Lance's request that OLN included inset photos of Sheryl Crow's reactions to the racing.


----------



## KeeponTrekkin (Aug 29, 2002)

*Lmao*

These forums can be so great....


----------



## elviento (Mar 24, 2002)

*lmao*

Just curious, does that mean "laugh my ass off"? 



KeeponTrekkin said:


> These forums can be so great....


----------



## shabbasuraj (May 14, 2005)

Apparently they hired Ms.Crow to replace ol' Phil...

Vintage.


----------



## EpicX (Mar 11, 2002)

yeah, you know, chery crow's toothy facial expressions add so very much to the race.


----------



## imetis (Jul 5, 2005)

Wouldn't be a terrible loss. My wife likes to watch the race, but only if we mute it so she doesn't have to hear Ligget!


----------



## chrisbaby (Feb 20, 2004)

*Very funny...you must be in PR*

Or amybe you are a journalist. At any rate, the style of writing is very realistic to this sort of release. What's more, the deadpan qualtiy made it very funny. I love good satire.




Spunout said:


> OLN Fires Phil Liggett
> 
> Paris, July 5 (Reuters) - Outdoor Life Network today severed its contract with Phil Liggett, a perennial favorite cycling
> announcer both in England and in the United States. A spokesperson for
> ...


----------



## FondriestFan (May 19, 2005)

Good stuff! If Lance took a big dump, Al Trautwig would swear it was chocolate cake and ask for ice cream to make it a la mode.


----------



## Gelo di Cervello (Nov 30, 1999)

*Thank you*

Thank you; thank you; thanks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Mosovich (Feb 3, 2004)

*no more primetime coverage for me..*

I'd really like to watch the race, not hear how Disco took a wee wee at mile 32 and such. I mean there is so much more to the tour than freaking Lance Armstrong. Yeah, he's great, no argument there, but OLN is making people dislike the guy because that's ALL they talk about. What about the other riders/teams in the tour. Also, what's up with all this Sam Posey poo?! Show the freaking race, not a bunch of history poo.


----------



## Fredrico (Jun 15, 2002)

*Marketing guys can't be that stupid, can they?*



chrisbaby said:


> Or amybe you are a journalist. At any rate, the style of writing is very realistic to this sort of release. What's more, the deadpan qualtiy made it very funny. I love good satire.


Checked Reuters, OLN, Phil Liggett, and nowhere is there this story.

Great satire, Spunout. Brilliant!


----------



## Trevor! (Feb 28, 2004)

FondriestFan said:


> Good stuff! If Lance took a big dump, Al Trautwig would swear it was chocolate cake and ask for ice cream to make it a la mode.


Hilarious.


----------



## Trevor! (Feb 28, 2004)

elviento said:


> Just curious, does that mean "laugh my ass off"?


Yeah it does.


----------



## boneman (Nov 26, 2001)

*Superb*

Spunout, nicely done my friend.


----------



## harvey (Feb 27, 2005)

*April 1*

It must be April Fool's Day in July.


----------



## Spunout (Aug 12, 2002)

boneman said:


> Spunout, nicely done my friend.


Please, please...I didn't write it. But I did expertly cut and paste it.

My brethren from the other side had said that there wasn't a sense of humour in this forum, so I thought I'd test the waters. A few failed, but on the whole I'd say that you're a good bunch over here. We won't let the few tarnish the whole.


----------



## OrangeCat (Apr 7, 2005)

I am laughing so hard.


----------



## danimal1 (Jul 9, 2005)

*Funny Article*

Funny Article! I especially liked the other announcer signalling the "long horns".


----------



## Miles E (Jul 31, 2003)

Spunout said:


> I suppose I briefly let my guard down. *I wonder what Lance Armstrong thinks about that?* Then, realizing the habit of mentioning Armstrong even when completely irrelevant was still with him, Liggett briefly looked melancholy


Nice. Now I chuckle whenever I hear Phil use this handy phrase, rather than just let it go in one ear and out the other. Like when he said it after the sprint yesterday and then quickly realized that Armstrong probably had no idea how close it was since he was .5 k back.


----------



## SteelSteedMan (Feb 5, 2005)

*Hilarious!*

Especially for those of us who remember when Phil and Paul used to cover the Tour over in ESPN in the 90s, it is just sad to watch those boys do their best WWE imitation. I can't wait until LA retires so that there's some semblance of unbiased commentary. Well, when that happens we might not get any coverage/commentary at all.....!


----------



## rocco (Apr 30, 2005)

Hey!

You copied that from the Onion!


----------

