# I Don't Get Lance's Upgrade??



## mohair_chair (Oct 3, 2002)

Reith said:


> Ok, so Lance becomes this huge celebrity and its time to upgrade. Fine, I get it. However, I don't get that Sheryl is an upgrade from Kristin. Kristin is hot and Sheryl is eh. So what gives?


I hope you figure it out before you start dating.


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## Reith (Jul 10, 2005)

Ok, so Lance becomes this huge celebrity and its time to upgrade. Fine, I get it. However, I don't get that Sheryl is an upgrade from Kristin. Kristin is hot and Sheryl is eh. So what gives?


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## atpjunkie (Mar 23, 2002)

*until you've dated a girl who sings*

you'll never figure it out. plus rocker chicks tend to be a bit dirtier, Kristin was pretty and all but I'll bet Sheryl will milk the cobra.


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## fletchnj05 (Apr 27, 2005)

atpjunkie said:


> you'll never figure it out. plus rocker chicks tend to be a bit dirtier, Kristin was pretty and all but I'll bet Sheryl will milk the cobra.


Milk the corba? That's a new one....LOL


Think this may have something to do with it!


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## Mosovich (Feb 3, 2004)

*Uh..*

now that's the bomb! Milk the cobra! Imagine this, your at a bar. "Hi, wanna go milk the cobar?" That's too much. Maybe I should, no, I'd probably get the old, "go milk your own cobra." Wife's a little upset, I'm looking at new cycling shoes. Hey, I use them everyday!


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## vortexrider69 (Jul 1, 2005)

*Can you say*

BUTTAFACE?
She is way too old looking, scrawny and the "Yoko Ono of cycling". Remember who coined that phrase first. Me.
I think Lance is seduced by her celebrity rather than her looks. She really isn't nice looking at all/



fletchnj05 said:


> Milk the corba? That's a new one....LOL
> 
> 
> Think this may have something to do with it!


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## ttug (May 14, 2004)

*its time we talked*



Reith said:


> Ok, so Lance becomes this huge celebrity and its time to upgrade. Fine, I get it. However, I don't get that Sheryl is an upgrade from Kristin. Kristin is hot and Sheryl is eh. So what gives?


Uh, OK. Its thin, its thick, its short, its long. Now you have the dating conundrum from the perspective of puberty. Later on, we will introduce audio visual aids and oh yeah, the concept of TROPHY WOMEN AND THE MONEY THEY COST.

Hookers are cheaper and will pretty much shine a pepper any way you need. However, its far far better to speak of women in terms of upgrade. Remind me to leave the room when you talk about re tooling. That has got to be a knee slapper I am sure.........


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## ajoc_prez (Jul 14, 2004)

I think it has more to do with lifestyles than anything. Lance is on the road constantly, and so are rock starts, so right there they have a lot in common. Maybe his ex-wife was more of a home body and Lance being gone all the time put a strain on things. With Sheryl, its more of an understanding that each will be travelling a lot... plus she's good at milking the cobra.


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## ajoc_prez (Jul 14, 2004)

Lance is rich. I wish he would pay for the operation to remove that damn mole from Sheryls face. Drives me friggin crazy and later down the road it will no doubt sprout some hairs which will scratch the face of the worlds greatest cyclist when he moves in to get some lovin.. She needs that bad boy removed!!


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## MikeBiker (Mar 9, 2003)

Somehow I was under the impression that Mrs. Lance dumped him. OF course the media never show us who she upgraded to.


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## Live Steam (Feb 4, 2004)

Jabba the Hutt?


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## Sm1Cooler (Jul 13, 2005)

*bragging rights*

maybe....
looks aren't everything...
or beauty is in the eye of the beholder...
pick any cliche.

maybe she is one of the coolest women to be around.

maybe lance is no male model himself.

definitely, i'd tag her just to say i did.


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## Reith (Jul 10, 2005)

Milk the Cobra. That got me laughing so hard my anti-Lance schtick has become completely deflated. 

Ok, she is pretty damn hot and likely knows what to do with a Cobra after its been through six hours on a bike. Milk it baby! It is time for me to hang up my anti-Lance angst and get a life.


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## [email protected] (Mar 22, 2005)

vortexrider69 said:


> BUTTAFACE?
> She is way too old looking, scrawny and the "Yoko Ono of cycling". Remember who coined that phrase first. Me.
> I think Lance is seduced by her celebrity rather than her looks. She really isn't nice looking at all/


How can you call her the YOKO ONO OF CYCLING when Lance has won and is winning a tour with her around. Yoko Ono kept the Beatles from getting along in the studio because she was always around and John Lennon's focus was on her and not the band. If Lance started losing after they began dating, then maybe you can get away with it. However, Lance obvious still has extreme focus when it comes to riding in July. If anything, Sheryl Crow has been used to fool the other riders in thinking that Lance has gotten relaxed in his celebrity lifestyle, and he hasn't trained as hard this year because of it. 

I happen to like her, and have since Tuesday Night Music Club came out. I have bought every cd of hers, and have always thought of her as one of the hottest rocker chicks out there. It impresses me that she has taken the time to learn to ride, and actually finds it beneficial to her music career.


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## DW4477 (Feb 4, 2005)

Reith said:


> Ok, so Lance becomes this huge celebrity and its time to upgrade. Fine, I get it. However, I don't get that Sheryl is an upgrade from Kristin. Kristin is hot and Sheryl is eh. So what gives?


Well that is certainly thinking about committed relationships in a mature fashion  
I think it has to do with the fact that Kristin was with him during the cancer year, and that defined their relationship in a certain way. He is no longer the person he was during that period, so the relationship failed as one or both of them failed to adapt to the new circumstances.


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## weltyed (Feb 6, 2004)

i think it has more to do with the fact crow looks a lot like his mom.

freud signing off.


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## Squint (Jan 22, 2004)

DW4477 said:


> Well that is certainly thinking about committed relationships in a mature fashion
> I think it has to do with the fact that Kristin was with him during the cancer year, and that defined their relationship in a certain way. He is no longer the person he was during that period, so the relationship failed as one or both of them failed to adapt to the new circumstances.


Kristin was nowhere to be seen when Lance had cancer.


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## bill105 (Mar 19, 2003)

Squint said:


> Kristin was nowhere to be seen when Lance had cancer.


i think thats wrong but then again i could be mistaken. i thought she was with him and they were dating then.


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## bill105 (Mar 19, 2003)

Squint said:


> No, when he was coping with cancer, she was simply not around.


so just so i understand correctly, they dated, he got cancer, she didnt come around much while he had cancer but they still got married?


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## Squint (Jan 22, 2004)

bill105 said:


> i think thats wrong but then again i could be mistaken. i thought she was with him and they were dating then.


No, when he was coping with cancer, she was simply not around.


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## FatTireFred (Jan 31, 2005)

vortexrider69 said:


> BUTTAFACE?
> She is way too old looking, scrawny and the "Yoko Ono of cycling". Remember who coined that phrase first. Me.
> I think Lance is seduced by her celebrity rather than her looks. She really isn't nice looking at all/



and obnoxious as heII when she talks about cycling


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## eleven24 (Aug 10, 2004)

Call me crazy, I really don't care who Lance is with.

From an "is she hot" perspective, I'd be attracted to Sheryl's musical abilities as well as her physical looks. Plus, she probably milks the cobra much better too.


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## Cevan (Jul 19, 2004)

*According to his 1st book,*



Squint said:


> Kristin was nowhere to be seen when Lance had cancer.



he began dating Kristin after being diagnosed. I believe they met at a fundraiser for the LAF.


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## bill105 (Mar 19, 2003)

Cevan said:


> he began dating Kristin after being diagnosed. I believe they met at a fundraiser for the LAF.


that sounds more like what i remember.


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## Squint (Jan 22, 2004)

Cevan said:


> he began dating Kristin after being diagnosed. I believe they met at a fundraiser for the LAF.


Well, he also began dating Sheryl after being diagnosed.

"I finished chemotherapy on December 13, 1996, and I met Kristin Richard a month later, at a press conference to announce the launching of my cancer foundation and the Ride for the Roses. We spoke just briefly." Page 162.

Sometime, I believe in the spring of '97, she broke up with her boyfriend and the two went to the TdF.

So, no, she wasn't with him when he was being treated. The hard part was already over. All that remained were follow-up exams. Don't give her more credit than she deserves.


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## dagger (Jul 22, 2004)

*You got it wrong*



Reith said:


> Ok, so Lance becomes this huge celebrity and its time to upgrade. Fine, I get it. However, I don't get that Sheryl is an upgrade from Kristin. Kristin is hot and Sheryl is eh. So what gives?


Kristin did not want to live the life of a cycling star's wife. She wanted a more traditional life and was not supporting Lance in his career.


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## FondriestFan (May 19, 2005)

The breakup had a lot to do with Lance's propensity with drilling for oil in other....fields.


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## jakerson (Jun 15, 2004)

*dont see...*

I really looked. I looked at this picture over and over. 
I couldnt see any pockets on the back of her bicycle jersey... and I don't see any padding in her bicycle shorts. Guess they are crafted so I would need to be much closer to see... 

and I will never look at cobras quite the same again.   




fletchnj05 said:


> Milk the corba? That's a new one....LOL
> 
> 
> Think this may have something to do with it!


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## atpjunkie (Mar 23, 2002)

*Now fellas*

if milking the cobra is a new phrase to ya well it describes a certain technique that if ya haven't heard of it well a, well I feel for ya. maybe I've just led too sordid of a life.

atp


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## dagger (Jul 22, 2004)

*No.*



Cevan said:


> he began dating Kristin after being diagnosed. I believe they met at a fundraiser for the LAF.


He had just started dating Kristin when he was diagnosed because he had a conversation with her about saying it was going to be tough and if she wanted out then he understood.


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## -bob (Aug 26, 2003)

*Has that been confirmed?*

Drilling for oil in other fields? I've heard the rumors before, but has it been confirmed? I ask out of ignorance.


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## atpjunkie (Mar 23, 2002)

*from what I heard*

she didn't like living in 3-4 houses in Texas, Spain, Santa Barbara. funny though if that's the cause, she couldn't wait a couple years until he retires? either she's a silly and impatient woman or there is more to the story


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## Bocephus Jones II (Oct 7, 2004)

atpjunkie said:


> she didn't like living in 3-4 houses in Texas, Spain, Santa Barbara. funny though if that's the cause, she couldn't wait a couple years until he retires? either she's a silly and impatient woman or there is more to the story


maybe lance was just a selfish ass and she had enough of him? that makes the most sense.


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## Squint (Jan 22, 2004)

dagger said:


> He had just started dating Kristin when he was diagnosed because he had a conversation with her about saying it was going to be tough and if she wanted out then he understood.


No, that's completely incorrect. He was dating Lisa Shiels when he was diagnosed and they didn't break up until March 1997, well after his treatment finished.

"Lisa and I needed to make some decisions about our future together, and I had seriously considered marriage. She had stayed with me throughout the cancer battle, every miserable step of the way, and that meant something." P. 171.

FOR THE LAST TIME, KRISTIN WAS NOT THERE FOR HIM WHEN HE HAD CANCER.


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## Bocephus Jones II (Oct 7, 2004)

Squint said:


> No, that's completely incorrect. He was dating Lisa Shiels when he was diagnosed and they didn't break up until March 1997, well after his treatment finished.
> 
> "Lisa and I needed to make some decisions about our future together, and I had seriously considered marriage. She had stayed with me throughout the cancer battle, every miserable step of the way, and that meant something." P. 171.
> 
> FOR THE LAST TIME, KRISTIN WAS NOT THERE FOR HIM WHEN HE HAD CANCER.


who cares...she did have his kids--and then only after enduring painful and tedious in vitro processes to do so.


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## atpjunkie (Mar 23, 2002)

*well Coppi had the same issues*

married a woman who wasn't really behind what he did for a living.


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## Squint (Jan 22, 2004)

Bocephus Jones II said:


> who cares...she did have his kids--and then only after enduring painful and tedious in vitro processes to do so.


It's a big deal because it's the biggest pro-Kristin, anti-Lance argument out there--that she was an angel who stood by him when he was on his deathbed, only to be dumped by the evil Lance for a rock star.

IVF isn't painful or tedious, especially when compared to childbirth itself, which all mothers have to deal with.


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## Sintesi (Nov 13, 2001)

bill105 said:


> that sounds more like what i remember.


He met her after he was cured. He'd already gone through the chemo and everything. He was on the comeback trail and she was one of the marketing people for the Ride for the Roses charity event.

KA wasn't a water carrier during the hard times.


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## haiku d'etat (Apr 28, 2001)

this is a well-thought, intelligent, highly relevant thread.

i hereby nominate this thread for "most moreonical of the year".

if i weren't summoned by those who've been offended over here, i would rather be pounding my left hand with a four pound sledge hammer, than reading this tripe.

and now i'm doomed to read _this_?

sheesh, just can't pay us moderators good 'nuf.


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## haiku d'etat (Apr 28, 2001)

Bocephus Jones II said:


> easy J's...easy....put away the heavy artillery now!


i know the world's got problems, i've got problems of my own.
but not the kind that can't be solved with an atom bomb.


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## Bocephus Jones II (Oct 7, 2004)

J's Haiku Shop said:


> this is a well-thought, intelligent, highly relevant thread.
> 
> i hereby nominate this thread for "most moreonical of the year".
> 
> ...


easy J's...easy....put away the heavy artillery now!


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## Coolhand (Jul 28, 2002)

This thread makes me a sad panda.


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## asterisk (Oct 21, 2003)

Coolhand said:


> This thread makes me a sad panda.


Ok, you've said that a few times now... Where in the world is that from??!

My friends and I say "That makes me a sad widdle bear" in this annoying cartoon voice but I can't for the life of me think of where it's from... this sounds like a strange derivative.


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## dagger (Jul 22, 2004)

*Thanks*



Squint said:


> No, that's completely incorrect. He was dating Lisa Shiels when he was diagnosed and they didn't break up until March 1997, well after his treatment finished.
> 
> "Lisa and I needed to make some decisions about our future together, and I had seriously considered marriage. She had stayed with me throughout the cancer battle, every miserable step of the way, and that meant something." P. 171.
> 
> FOR THE LAST TIME, KRISTIN WAS NOT THERE FOR HIM WHEN HE HAD CANCER.


My memory failed me.


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## QuiQuaeQuod (Jan 24, 2003)

south park. Sexual harrassment panda said it.

Now I will have the sexual harrassment.... PAN DA! song in my head all day


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## asterisk (Oct 21, 2003)

dr hoo said:


> south park. Sexual harrassment panda said it.


damn, that's it. thanks hoo


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## bigbill (Feb 15, 2005)

I bet Kristin wouldn't pass Axel for second place after he did all the work. Sheryl probably would.


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## indianabob (Dec 22, 2001)

*Who cares, but. . .*

Listen, maybe Crow is the most beautiful woman Lance has ever seen. Who knows. I gave her a good look-over at a Laker game about five years ago, and well, to me she looked pretty fugly. 

Andre Agassi is another sports celeb who is with a woman who make some folks scratch their heads (I think Stiffi Graf (nod to Beavis/Butthead) is gorgeous by the way). 

Point is, some women aren't typical beauties, but have an appeal that makes a few select guys say, "Damn, what a hottie!"

But. . .Cheryl does kind of look like Lance with makeup.


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## haiku d'etat (Apr 28, 2001)

bigbill said:


> I bet Kristin wouldn't pass Axel for second place after he did all the work. Sheryl probably would.


whatever. at least you've brought a higher level of intelligence to the conversation.

IMO if i was lance (not that there's anything wrong with that) i would have picked women with much bigger ****. that's all i'm saying. bigger ****.


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## firstrax (Nov 13, 2001)

atpjunkie said:


> if milking the cobra is a new phrase to ya well it describes a certain technique that if ya haven't heard of it well a, well I feel for ya. maybe I've just led too sordid of a life.
> 
> atp


Heard it a while back but forgot it. Thanks for the laugh. 
Oh, and you owe me some windex and paper towels to remove the coffee I spit on the screen.


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## haiku d'etat (Apr 28, 2001)

Post A Pic!


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## RodeRash (May 18, 2005)

*Or Just Maybe . . .*

Maybe Sheryl is more comfortable with the "rock star celebrity" life-style and living forever on the road out of a suitcase and a team bus.


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## funknuggets (Feb 4, 2004)

*no no no...*

Is all about the benjamins... the two are going to hook up and combine their money and walk around naked eating cheetos and watching their Tivo. I just wonder who would get the better deal out of a pre-nuptual agreement.

Either way, I hope they ride off into the sunset and Sheryl plays free concerts at the big LAF ride every year, and Lance can play with his kids and get them free backstage passes at her concerts. Thing is... who the hell cares. Do you hear me?... who the hell cares... who the hell cares, who the hell cares?

Its people like you that make jibberish and drivel like Inside Edition or Enquirer waste time and space. It rots the minds of our nation's youths and housewives. Celebrities are for the most part weird. Get out of their business and let them be weird without all kinds of speculation and judgement. Jee-sus. Its a SINGER and a CYCLIST. They are just people, whoop de do. You guys are no better than people that talked about Ben and J-Lo as if it mattered.

Stop arguing about when and where and all the specifics of their relationship as if it matters.. .you are making cyclists look like trekkies or something (no offense to Trek bikes)...


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## colker1 (Jan 2, 2003)

*hello girls!*

so.. RBR has a new forum: gossip/ the hairdresser salon forum. after discussing lance's marriage are you gonna talk about what: "relationships" w/ your boyfriends?


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## [email protected] (Mar 22, 2005)

FondriestFan said:


> The breakup had a lot to do with Lance's propensity with drilling for oil in other....fields.


I am sure this is one of the reasons Lance is retiring. I am sure he is fed up with everybody speculating about his life. Now dating Sheryl Crow isn't going to help this, actually, but you know he's tired of the speculation about doping. It will be hard for him to fade from the public eye as long as he is with her, but he can almost close the book on the doping. It will still come up from time to time. 

This is a funny post. A lot of people talk on here like they are a fly on Lance's wall.


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## cadence90 (Sep 12, 2004)

*D**n it, Funk!!!!*



funknuggets said:


> ...Thing is... who the hell cares. Do you hear me?... who the hell cares... who the hell cares, who the hell cares?...


I CARE!!!
I wanna know it all, from the cobra to where Kristin was/when to Sheryl washing the chamois to what paper-f******g towels they use to does Lance spread the peanut butter thick or thin???...Boysenberry PIE or peach cobbler???...What's in their garage, what's in the attic, do they even have a basement???...WHO does her manicures, is it expensive???...What about the funny bone? What's the CUTEST thing about LA that makes SC just absalully giggle with glee???...Do they really KNOW Oprah???...Is Sheryl really gay? Is Lance (not that...oh screw, it...)???...What brand hairdryer does she use? What about SHAMPOO???...

damn, Funk, enlarge your friggin' vision, man, these things are critical. From those we really really REALLY admire and are curious about, we can find sustenance for our own less fortunate existences. Especially when we learn the truly important things: I'm weeping a bit right now, I need to dab...what kind of Kleenex do they use again???

So, keep your criticisms to yasself, because me I WANNA KNOW!!!

And, to all those who posted snippets of THE BOOK complete with page numbers, thank you so so so much. That was just so beautiful to read here. Any chance you all might post the entirety of ALL of LA's future books right here, right now? Any chance at all, please???

'Cause I don't want to read those either.


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## asterisk (Oct 21, 2003)

cadence90 said:


> I WANNA KNOW!!!.


  

... you're trying too hard. That's not even funny.


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## cadence90 (Sep 12, 2004)

asterisk said:


> ... you're trying too hard. That's not even funny.


Yep. Right. Uh-huh. Sorry gotta go catch up on the latest developments.


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## atpjunkie (Mar 23, 2002)

*I'm sorry*

though Kristin is a lovely woman she seems a bit too uptight for cobra milking. Sheryl probably likes going to the darkside.


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## Mayday (Jan 22, 2004)

*Congratulations!!!*

Congratulations!! You have all won a free subscription to PEOPLE magazine and an autographed picture of Paris Hilton!!


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## jason_21218 (Jun 7, 2005)

*He gets back with Ex-Wife within ONE year, gotta join in on this one*

Bottom line, his road trippin' days are over, and the closer he gets to his kids, the more his ex will feel like home.....Kristen will have the 'home court' advantage. 

Damit, she's the MOTHER to his freakin kids....Sheryll will be odd person out concerning all the kid stuff between Lance and Kristen. He loves those kids too dam much...he 'oughta be with their Mom.

Just my two cents in this half-gay knitting circle, I'm goin' ridin!


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## clintb (Apr 8, 2002)

This thread makes me want to milk the cobra.


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## taar44 (Jun 16, 2002)

fletchnj05 said:


> Milk the corba? That's a new one....LOL
> 
> 
> Think this may have something to do with it!


I would hit it too even though that ass is flatter than a wall!!


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## Rthur2sheds (Jul 30, 2004)

*talent...the ultimate aphrodesiac*

for the record,I am a professional musician... no, you haven't heard of me and neither has Sheryl Crow for that matter... But, it's how I make my living so I feel qualified to speak to this peculiar phenomenon a bit:

what makes Sheryl Crow attractive apart from the fact that she is a good-enough lookin broad for her age, is the fact that she is a talented and successful artist. Heck, getting laid (or the prospect of same) was one of the main reasons for my playing out in bands in my youth! Besides, trump card is the Clapton factor...if she's good enough for EC to shag, then hell, count ME in


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## OnTheRivet (Sep 3, 2004)

colker1 said:


> so.. RBR has a new forum: gossip/ the hairdresser salon forum. after discussing lance's marriage are you gonna talk about what: "relationships" w/ your boyfriends?


Yep. This thread reminds me of the title of one of the greatest punk albums ever................................The Decline of Western Civilization.


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