# Jerks



## Trek2.3

Jerks. There is always a surplus of jerks.

http://forums.roadbikereview.com/lounge/awkward-274764.html


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## Intandem

idd, Jerks will always be Jerks


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## robdamanii

How is this relevant to anything woman's cycling related?

And why isn't this done via PM?


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## jorgy

robdamanii said:


> How is this relevant to anything woman's cycling related?
> 
> And why isn't this done via PM?


Dude, this is the wimmen's cycling+ forum, you know, "women-specific cycling discussions *and more*."

Since when is starting a thread about another thread--sometimes in a completely different forum--not allowed?


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## robdamanii

jorgy said:


> Dude, this is the wimmen's cycling+ forum, you know, "women-specific cycling discussions *and more*."
> 
> Since when is starting a thread about another thread--sometimes in a completely different forum--not allowed?


I just don't understand what the point of starting a thread entitled "jerks" about some guy blowing off a woman in a health club is. 

Call me cynical, but I'm sure it happens a lot, and I'm sure it happens a lot the other way around. But honestly, isn't there something more interesting to talk about besides "there's jerks everywhere" (which would be assumed anyway?)


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## jorgy

robdamanii said:


> I just don't understand what the point of starting a thread entitled "jerks" about some guy blowing off a woman in a health club is.


C'mon, rob. You've spent enough time in The Lounge to know that there doesn't need to be a point to start a thread.


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## robdamanii

jorgy said:


> C'mon, rob. You've spent enough time in The Lounge to know that there doesn't need to be a point to start a thread.


True enough.

This isn't the lounge though? (I guess I'm asking why not just call n00ky a jerk in that thread and be done with it.)

Oh well. Bygones and all.


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## Crusty

I'm not sure I see what is so jerky about the original post. And those long threads always devolve into some off-topic stupidity. Perhaps this thread will end up there as well.


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## JayTee

robdamanii said:


> I just don't understand what the point of starting a thread entitled "jerks" about some guy blowing off a woman in a health club is.
> 
> Call me cynical, but I'm sure it happens a lot, and I'm sure it happens a lot the other way around. But honestly, isn't there something more interesting to talk about besides "there's jerks everywhere" (which would be assumed anyway?)


Rob, maybe it is nice for there to be a women's space to discuss the issues (and frankly, I think classic sexism) displayed in this thread without getting ragged on by the OP or the rest of the guys. I think this thread raised pretty interesting issues that we'd all discuss over a cup of coffee, so why not here?

You know, back when this forum was created, and I was one of the original mods. I was one of the original mods, and a proponent of letting guys see (and post in) this forum. But it is still, fundamentally, a place for a little bit of not-get-ragged-on-by-the-guys freedom. 

I'm sure you let your views be known in the Lounge, but I think a post like Nooky's (I'm in a relationship, or maybe I'm not, depending on whether you are older and a little too heavy, and my friend who knew me well enough to set up this possibility clearly didn't know he was so shallow ... at least that's my take) should be able to be discussed here free of judgment from other guys.


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## JayTee

Well, I'm not sure you'd see it if you hadn't been on the receiving end of it (i.e., female judged for age or body, etc.).


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## Trek2.3

I thought thay nOOKy's conduct was atrocious and demeaning and I said so in The Lounge. But I was surprised (yes, even though I am a guy) that so few people thought so. Then I realized that all the discussion was coming from one gender.

So I posted over here to see if anyone was interested in trying, as I was, to set 'em straight. I just posted. I didn't try to agitate. I figure the other readers here are capable of deciding for themselves whether to get into the fray and what to say.

I'm amazed that it took almost 2 weeks to get a response.


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## Crusty

I've had similar discussions many times. Who I choose to date is my own business. I can choose to only date blonds, or people with blue eyes, or people taller than myself, etc. If this statement is true: "I politely declined", I see nothing wrong. The fact that the other person ran off and cried is not n00ky's problem. I wasn't there, so I don't know what really took place. But taking this at face value, I don't see anything jerky about it.

Can all of you honestly say you don't have biases? I know I do, but I'm not going to publish them in a public forum, or you would be calling me a jerk too. I think n00ky's only mistake was to post this in a public forum.

And yes, I am female.


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## robdamanii

Crusty said:


> I've had similar discussions many times. Who I choose to date is my own business. I can choose to only date blonds, or people with blue eyes, or people taller than myself, etc. If this statement is true: "I politely declined", I see nothing wrong. The fact that the other person ran off and cried is not n00ky's problem. I wasn't there, so I don't know what really took place. But taking this at face value, I don't see anything jerky about it.
> 
> Can all of you honestly say you don't have biases? I know I do, but I'm not going to publish them in a public forum, or you would be calling me a jerk too. I think n00ky's only mistake was to post this in a public forum.
> 
> And yes, I am female.


This is sort of how I see it:

Men are rejected by women all the time. We don't usually run off and cry to our friends about it. 

The fact that this woman was set up for failure by a mutual friend and she went crying to said friend because she was rejected doesn't really say much, other than she had already (in her own mind) expected that she'd be going out with this guy for coffee. That's not right either.

When I read the original thread, my first thought in response to the "n00ky is an ass [sic]" comment was "Is a male required to accept all dates he's asked on" and "Why is that the case?"

Frankly, I don't believe we (as men) should be required to accept any date offered our way. We all have our preferences in the opposite (or same) sex, which can include weight, skin and eye color, hair color, smile...hell, even bizarre things like the shape of someone's knees, the breadth of their shoulders, etc are all things people take note of. 

Granted we only have one side of the story, but I've not know n00ky to be an embellishing tool in most respects. So (to me at least) the backlash against his post is a bit puzzling.

Edited to add: I also don't think his description was at all demeaning, merely a statement of the type of woman that approached him was not his type. Same thing with age. It seems pretty clear the mutual friend that set them up was touting how great they'd be together and got the rejected woman's hopes up.


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## nOOky

Trek2.3 said:


> I thought thay nOOKy's conduct was atrocious and demeaning and I said so in The Lounge. But I was surprised (yes, even though I am a guy) that so few people thought so. Then I realized that all the discussion was coming from one gender.
> 
> So I posted over here to see if anyone was interested in trying, as I was, to set 'em straight. I just posted. I didn't try to agitate. I figure the other readers here are capable of deciding for themselves whether to get into the fray and what to say.
> 
> I'm amazed that it took almost 2 weeks to get a response.


You need to let it go. I did not tell the woman anything like she wasn't my type and for what reason, I simply (and politely I think) declined. The other references were background information only.
If you have a problem with what I desire in a woman in regards to body type, hair type, weight or even age too bad. I like what I like, dislike what I dislike, and I would never ever think about bagging on someone else because of what they desire in the opposite sex. If I were fat and balding I certainly wouldn't fault a female for not liking the way I was if it wasn't her thing.
I'm left wondering who the real jerk is in this case.
I also question why it was posted here, as it has no reference to womens cycling, just general discussion.


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## DIABLOS123

How is a guy WITH a GF turning down a date from a women that is not his type in a polite manner in anyway a jerk.... omfg


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## natedg200202

This thread makes me a little ill. Given the circumstance, what was Nooky supposed to do? Going on a sympathy date would only have delayed and magnified the pain the rejected woman felt. 

Why does this need to be reposted in another, unrelated thread?


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## Trek2.3

The problem isn't saying "no." It how he described doing it.


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## robdamanii

Trek2.3 said:


> The problem isn't saying "no." It how he described doing it.


He described telling her that he had a girlfriend.

How is that offensive? 

Face it, you're pissed off that he described her as slightly graying, slightly pudgy and not his type.

Get over yourself.


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## JayTee

robdamanii said:


> He described telling her that he had a girlfriend.
> 
> How is that offensive?
> 
> Face it, you're pissed off that he described her as slightly graying, slightly pudgy and not his type.
> 
> Get over yourself.




You know what, Rob, we don't have to revisit the entire conversation had in the Lounge. I think women, or many of them anyway, have a slightly different perspective on Nooky's "story" and it seems to me this is a place for women to be able to share it. I support men posting in this forum, but for a topic on which the guys have already had their say in the Lounge, coming in here and being snarky is unnecessary.

I for one also thought Nooky's story made him look like a jerk. And I laid out my thinking in the Lounge. But if someone wants to use this space for it without a couple of the guys coming in to thump their chests and say "get over yourself," I think it is uncool.


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## JayTee

She doesn't need to do anything of the kind. Folks can talk about whatever they want in here, including your jerkitude about a dating situation. Go away.


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## robdamanii

JayTee said:


> You know what, Rob, we don't have to revisit the entire conversation had in the Lounge. I think women, or many of them anyway, have a slightly different perspective on Nooky's "story" and it seems to me this is a place for women to be able to share it. I support men posting in this forum, but for a topic on which the guys have already had their say in the Lounge, coming in here and being snarky is unnecessary.
> 
> I for one also thought Nooky's story made him look like a jerk. And I laid out my thinking in the Lounge. But if someone wants to use this space for it without a couple of the guys coming in to thump their chests and say "get over yourself," I think it is uncool.


Then tell the MALE author of this thread to pound sand as well. As you said, this whole thing was discussed in the lounge, and that's where it should have stayed without Mr. Goody Two Shoes trying to call in reinforcements.

You and I differ in opinion. I see nothing wrong with describing the situation and why he wasn't flattered. Hell, when I got hit on by a cougar in a bar, I described her as worn out, haggard and completely smashed. Am I a horrible person for being disgusted by what was making advances at me? Should a woman not feel the same when a 400 pound greasy, sweaty whale of a bald guy hits on her? Should SHE be criticized for commenting on him to her friends in kind? I frankly love the double standard: women have no problem commenting on a guy being "fat" or "bald" or "too old" but should any women be described that way, all hell breaks loose? Give me a break...


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## robdamanii

JayTee said:


> She doesn't need to do anything of the kind. Folks can talk about whatever they want in here, including your jerkitude about a dating situation. Go away.


Um, in response to whom?

And again, the author of this thread is not a chick, hence WTF was he posting here other than to stir up trouble?


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## Nicole Hamilton

Crusty said:


> If this statement is true: "I politely declined", I see nothing wrong. The fact that the other person ran off and cried is not n00ky's problem. I wasn't there, so I don't know what really took place. But taking this at face value, I don't see anything jerky about it. ... I think n00ky's only mistake was to post this in a public forum.


I had a LOT of trouble believing the story. If he declined as politely as he made it sound, I doubted anyone would have run off to cry. I just didn't believe he'd given an honest account of what had happened. I think he dressed it up, leaving out or cleaning up what he actually said, just so he'd hear what he wanted to hear in the forum. Also, I was bothered by the undercurrent of bragging, as if he wanted us to know he was so desirable that simply declining politely sends women into tears.


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## Nicole Hamilton

robdamanii said:


> And again, the author of this thread is not a chick, hence WTF was he posting here other than to stir up trouble?


I did not find his post to be "stirring up trouble." I thought it was just inviting women's responses. I'm less clear on your objective.


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## robdamanii

Nicole Hamilton said:


> I did not find his post to be "stirring up trouble." I thought it was just inviting women's responses. I'm less clear on your objective.


There were plenty of "women's responses" posted in the original thread.

I don't see how some chick crying because she hit on a guy with a girlfriend qualifies as fodder for "women's cycling+." What objective does the male OP have in posting this here besides stirring the pot, much like you spend most threads doing?


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## robdamanii

Nicole Hamilton said:


> I had a LOT of trouble believing the story. If he declined as politely as he made it sound, I doubted anyone would have run off to cry. I just didn't believe he'd given an honest account of what had happened. I think he dressed it up, leaving out or cleaning up what he actually said, just so he'd hear what he wanted to hear in the forum. Also, I was bothered by the undercurrent of bragging, as if he wanted us to know he was so desirable that simply declining politely sends women into tears.


Yes, I'm sure he just told her to "f**k off."  You frankly have so little time here and so little contact with the person who didn't "give an honest account of what happened" that your little conspiracy theory is far less believable than what he has posted. 

People's true personalities come through online all the time. N00ks is far from a jerk, unlike some folks whose true colors are blatantly obvious.


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## Nicole Hamilton

robdamanii said:


> I frankly love the double standard: women have no problem commenting on a guy being "fat" or "bald" or "too old" but should any women be described that way, all hell breaks loose? Give me a break...


Perhaps I've lived a sheltered life. I don't think women do that, at least, not the way guys do about women. Women want chemistry, of course, and a lot of that is just plain physical attraction. But I think women tend to be more concerned about relationship factors than appearance.


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## nOOky

Nicole Hamilton said:


> I had a LOT of trouble believing the story. If he declined as politely as he made it sound, I doubted anyone would have run off to cry. I just didn't believe he'd given an honest account of what had happened. I think he dressed it up, leaving out or cleaning up what he actually said, just so he'd hear what he wanted to hear in the forum. Also, I was bothered by the undercurrent of bragging, as if he wanted us to know he was so desirable that simply declining politely sends women into tears.


I don't appreciate being called a liar. The whole reason I posted the thing in the first place is because it was a wtf? moment. Maybe read the whole thing through, and if you still have doubts well at least one of knows the whole story.
At this point I don't really care too much what others think of me here, it was a strange event that happened to me one day and I posted about it.


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## robdamanii

Nicole Hamilton said:


> Perhaps I've lived a sheltered life. I don't think women do that, at least, not the way guys do about women. Women want chemistry, of course, and a lot of that is just plain physical attraction. But I think women tend to be more concerned about relationship factors than appearance.


Apparently sheltered doesn't begin to describe it.


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## Nicole Hamilton

nOOky said:


> I don't appreciate being called a liar.


I didn't call you a liar. I said the story seemed a little fishy for the reasons I stated. It could be true but I suspect you've likely cleaned it up a little, maybe omitting a particularly unfortunate remark. Grown women don't go off and cry just because some guy isn't interested. And what would your motive be for telling the story? You seemed to be looking for some kind of stroking.

But the only thing I know for sure is that I don't know what actually happened. I wasn't there and I've heard only one side.


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## Nicole Hamilton

robdamanii said:


> Apparently sheltered doesn't begin to describe it.


It sounds like you've had some bad experiences with women. I'm sorry to hear that.


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## robdamanii

Nicole Hamilton said:


> It sounds like you've had some bad experiences with women. I'm sorry to hear that.


Ahh yes. Let's start the psychoanalysis. Maybe you have a degree in that which you can lean on? 

Didn't think so. More conjecture; your specialty.


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## BethLikesBikes

Nicole Hamilton said:


> It sounds like you've had some bad experiences with women. I'm sorry to hear that.


Now you've piqued my interest. Continue, Dr. Freud.


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## Nicole Hamilton

BethLikesBikes said:


> Now you've piqued my interest. Continue, Dr. Freud.


There's no deep analysis here. He said women focus a lot on appearance over substance. That doesn't match my experience but maybe I'm sheltered. He said I was. Okay, that sounds like a confirmation that wasn't hyperbole; that really is the experience he's having with women. I'm sorry to hear that; I had a better opinion of us. Is that how all guys perceive women? Is that how other women perceive us? I don't know.


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## robdamanii

Nicole Hamilton said:


> There's no deep analysis here. He said women focus a lot on appearance over substance. That doesn't match my experience but maybe I'm sheltered. He said I was. Okay, that sounds like a confirmation that wasn't hyperbole; that really is the experience he's having with women. I'm sorry to hear that; I had a better opinion of us. Is that how all guys perceive women? Is that how other women perceive us? I don't know.


So based upon my (correct) assertion that women judge men on their appearance I've been damaged? You really don't think that women in the dating scene, by and large are just as picky about they way men look? That is textbook sheltered.

As for the idea of psychoanalysis over the internet, you're an easy target. Discounting your contact information, your "fingerprints on the internet" simply reveals you to be bitter, argumentative and bull-headed. Based upon your constant need for attention and arguing with professionals that your uneducated opinions are correct, you're following right down the same path.

I think whatever's growing in your chamois after three rides has crawled up into your brain.


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## tihsepa

robdamanii said:


> I think whatever's growing in your chamois after three rides has crawled up into your brain.


No kidding. Between this person and the OP we got a bunch of thin skin around here.


WTFBBQ?


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## wtfbbq

tihsepa said:


> WTFBBQ?


Did someone call?

Sent from my cm_tenderloin using Tapatalk


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## tihsepa

wtfbbq said:


> Did someone call?
> 
> Sent from my cm_tenderloin using Tapatalk


Yah, what are your thoughts on this asshattery?


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## Nicole Hamilton

robdamanii said:


> So based upon my (correct) assertion that women judge men on their appearance I've been damaged?


Why would you be damaged? If you're a good-looking guy, it probably worked to your advantage. I'm merely remarking that your assessment of women is less flattering than mine. But I'm not sorry for you. We don't seem to like each other so I probably wouldn't feel sorry for you even if I knew of a reason.

What I'm sorry to hear is that women maybe aren't living up the image I have of us. But even that has little to do with you. On the internet, you can find any opinion you like. Yours is one more. And anyway, this is America and it's a free society: You're entitled to your opinion, as is everyone else.

What I'm wondering aloud is if your assessment is widely shared among guys and even among other women. As I said before, I don't know.


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## il sogno

People, people. Calm down. This forum has an ignore list function. I suggest you two use it. 

A friendly reminder: be careful with the use of the word "you." It can get you into trouble.


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## Nicole Hamilton

il sogno said:


> This forum has an ignore list function.


Excellent! Did not know you had that feature. Thank you. Works perfect.


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## AvantDale

robdamanii said:


> I think whatever's growing in your chamois after three rides has crawled up into your brain.


Epic quote material!

Not exactly sure how I ended up here though.:skep:


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## Nicole Hamilton

AvantDale said:


> Epic quote material!


Not really. It's just crude and unpleasant.


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## robdamanii

Nicole Hamilton said:


> Not really. It's just crude and unpleasant.


Quite like your practice of riding in the same shorts 3 times before washing them.

I mean....really. That's disgusting.


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## il sogno

robdamanii said:


> Quite like your practice of riding in the same shorts 3 times before washing them.
> 
> I mean....really. That's disgusting.


That's enough. 

I left this thread open because I had hopes that it would be a good place for women to voice their opinions on this. Thread locked.


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