# Mr. Weirdly Competitive bike dude



## rockcrusher (Sep 26, 2005)

On my return commute everyday the first location I go through is the University of Arizona. The main route through the campus leads out into the City's 3rd street bike path so I run into all sorts of folks on bicycles. 

Professors in vests and tweed like they fell out of the pages of the Dead Poets' Society. Sorority girls on pink cruiser with sunglasses as big as their faces and the waistband of their pink wildcat shorts rolled down to show off their muffin tops. Moms continuing their education. U of A Tricats with transition bags on their backs, cut calves, tri bars and bad tan lines. Every sort of the cycling spectrum really. 

Every so often however I run across Mr. Weirdly Competitive bike dude. Usually he is on a city type bike, something his parents bought him instead of a car when he moved to Tucson to go to school. Generally wearing jeans and t-shirts, rarely husky usually fit looking and it goes down like this:

I pass him somewhere, maybe in the campus, maybe as he is merging onto the main thoroughfare, where ever it is I pass him. He sees me, maybe he chases me or maybe he catches me at the main intersection where I always get caught by an inordinately long light but he catches up to me. We stop somewhere and I queue up behind the aforementioned cyclist waiting at a light. The light goes green and I move out at the pace of the commuter echelon. 

Mr. Weirdly Competitive bike dude jumps out left or right and sprints past all the riders, sprinting ahead of the pack. I await the sorting of the cyclists as the slower ones move to one side, the faster ones get up to speed and the street ahead is clear, then I slowly get myself up to speed. Wary of the neighborhood as it is a regularly dangerous area I slowly come up on Mr. Weirdly Competitive bike dude. He has his head down, sometimes his Ipod blasting some times not, usually has a dry or squeaky chain but he is always determined. 

I approach him still building speed slowly, normally and give him a wide berth sliding past, always aware of him erratic diving down sidestreets with out looking or signally or odd veers and yaws as he searches for his ringing cell phone. 

As I pass I can sense the hairs on his neck prick. He has been challenged in a one person designated competition. Sliding past I sense in my peripheral vision the tensing of muscle, a change in position, an attitude. At this point Mr. Weirdly Competitive bike dude will do one of two things a) he will stand and crank and try to reel me in, or b) he will shift to a harder gear and try to reel me in. 

This usually results in the sounds of labored breathing behind me slowly disappearing as his efforts sap him of any remaining energy and he fails to reel me in or as in yesterday's case it results in this:

I pass. Crack BOOM, his shifting under power results in his chain skipping erratically. Labored breathing....crack BOOM crack crack BOOM....gears keep skipping as he increases his effort. He begins reeling me in as the road heads downhill. I can hear the crunch of the gravel under his front tire in my ears. I can sense his presence right behind me, he comes up on my right. Not my favorite place for anyone to pass me so I kick it up a few RPM. Crack boom BOOM....he is still there.

Unfortunately for him the grade turns uphill. I maintain pressure on my pedals. Crack boom crack crack snap crack BOOM. The uphill combined with his exertion causes his bike all kinds of trouble. Slowly the sounds of mechanical distress fades, I sprint for the bike crossing light that is green ahead and make it today. The sound never catches me. I finish the first mile of my ride home 10 more to complete. 

On what planet does someone on a poorly maintained poorly adjusted Trek Hybrid college bike think that they can catch a person wearing cycling clothing on a skinny tired well adjusted well lubed racing bike and what would they do if they could catch and overtake me? Like my dog that chases lizards. The one time she chased one and it didn't see her so it didn't move she had to stop because she had no exit strategy. You need an exit strategy. She didn't have one.

Should I have given him the chase he wanted? Slow down and let him come around? Victory for the inglorious moment. Waited behind until he turned off, panting and breathing artificially loud. A sense of victory? Or sometimes do you just need to break a few eggs, shift down, stand up and decimate him?

Anyone else have these experiences? What do you do?


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## jgsatl (Mar 16, 2009)

sounds like he might have needed help with his bike. stopping to help him fix it would really be best comeuppance in my book.


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## FatTireFred (Jan 31, 2005)

pics or it didn't happen...

I bet you can have lots of fun with that guy, to keep your commute interesting... crush him right off the bat, let him dangle then crush him, cat-and-mouse him, throw in some quips as you go by, etc. plan your strategy now, for the next time you see him


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## rockcrusher (Sep 26, 2005)

I dunno i prefer to enjoy my commute with out the aspects of competition that is the reason I get my exercise commuting. I appreciate his efforts as misguided as they were. On the other hand I do not carry anything more than a tube, pump and a mini tool and I most certainly do not carry the tools to repair a bike that has sat out in the AZ weather since the previous fall with nary a tool thrown its way. 

I am sure he probably need a derailleur alignment, new chain, lube, cables and adjustments. If that is my comeuppance I will accept it as the price for not carrying a mobile bike shop with me with which to travel the land fix overly competitive college duffers bikes.


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## Spinfinity (Feb 3, 2004)

rockcrusher said:


> On what planet does someone on a poorly maintained poorly adjusted Trek Hybrid college bike think that they can catch a person wearing cycling clothing on a skinny tired well adjusted well lubed racing bike and what would they do if they could catch and overtake me?


Maybe he beat the last one, which is why poseurs ought to be banned. I'd need a motor to beat a lot of college guys no matter what they were riding, but any time a rider passes me I make a good faith effort to catch up. Wouldn't want to miss an opportunity to meet another rider or help someone feel smug and superior for the day.


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## empty_set (Nov 1, 2006)

Wait, who's the competitive one?


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## MB1 (Jan 27, 2004)

IME folks like that are more trouble than they are worth. If there is one any where near us on our commute we slow down and make sure they are in front of us until they are riding on empty.

Then we crush 'em.


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## Fixed (May 12, 2005)

*crush him*



rockcrusher said:


> I dunno i prefer to enjoy my commute with out the aspects of competition that is the reason I get my exercise commuting. I appreciate his efforts as misguided as they were. On the other hand I do not carry anything more than a tube, pump and a mini tool and I most certainly do not carry the tools to repair a bike that has sat out in the AZ weather since the previous fall with nary a tool thrown its way.
> 
> I am sure he probably need a derailleur alignment, new chain, lube, cables and adjustments. If that is my comeuppance I will accept it as the price for not carrying a mobile bike shop with me with which to travel the land fix overly competitive college duffers bikes.


I agree, have fun with it. From a stop light, I'd hold back just a bit. Riding a completely silent fixed gear, I'd start a quasi-sprint timed to pass him about 30 mph (may have to throw on a taller gear), then hold it just a bit. Hope you are using a mirror, so you can see him try to stand and flail for about 2 seconds before giving up. Then, stay just out of reach about 100 yards ahead, matching his speed no matter what he does. Let him dangle. Repeat daily. 

It's not cruel, for you should be helping the guy improve. Soon, he'll be in lycra, too.


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## rockcrusher (Sep 26, 2005)

Spinfinity said:


> Maybe he beat the last one, which is why poseurs ought to be banned. I'd need a motor to beat a lot of college guys no matter what they were riding, but any time a rider passes me I make a good faith effort to catch up. Wouldn't want to miss an opportunity to meet another rider or help someone feel smug and superior for the day.


yes, perhaps he did but perhaps he is feeling the wrath of the freshman 20 (those 20 odd pounds that many many U of A freshman put on once out of their homes and into the college world of pizza and beer). A lost innocence and a sense of loss of youthful fitness. The need to prove himself outside the bounds of epic all night rockstar battles and south park marathons.

I see it all the time. The worse part is that more than likely he will lose. Become the percentage reported in the news, america the fat, america the inactive, couch potato, when his bike finally breaks and the $100 to fix it is much less appealing than the $100 trip to Nogales to hang with the bros, drink and party. 

Digressively i accept my status as pack fodder, or should I say pack detritus. Caught, ingested digested and discarded like so many calories of energy bars. Faster commuters pass and go, slower commuters are passed and left, my speed commuters are joined and chatted with, met Scott yesterday, rode for 3-4 miles with him, he towed me in the narrow bike lane area. I was thankful. We chatted.


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## Nickel II (Jul 18, 2003)

Never run into a guy like that. The only ones that annoy me are the guys that, when 1 or more bikes are waiting at a light, cruise past everyone to the front under the assumption they will be the fastest out of everyone else when the light turns green.


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## rockcrusher (Sep 26, 2005)

empty_set said:


> Wait, who's the competitive one?



durr, he is. How is not doing anything but riding and trying to stay safe my being competitive as you imply?


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## Fixed (May 12, 2005)

*what's wrong?*



empty_set said:


> Wait, who's the competitive one?


What's wrong with competitive? Competitive is fun, and fun is good!


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## buck-50 (Sep 20, 2005)

There's a really easy way to get rid of guys like that- slow down a little until he's found someone else to compete with. 

Yer giving him everything he wants. 

In his mind, He's the smart guy on a cheap hybrid, jeans and a sweatshirt and he's holding his own against you, the spandex-clad middle aged guy (everyone who's older than you is middle aged when you're in college) who paid too much for a fancy bike that shouldn't even be on the bike path to begin with... 

Plus, once you start encouraging this moeron to ride at 20+ on the path, yer just encouraging someone with really lousy bike handling skills to ride too fast and eventually flatten some poor 5 year old.

just sayin, is all.


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## empty_set (Nov 1, 2006)

rockcrusher said:


> durr, he is. How is not doing anything but riding and trying to stay safe my being competitive as you imply?


I'm guessing my attempt at humor failed.

Anyway, I deal with the same thing on College Ave near the ASU campus. All is as you describe. I guess I just don't think about them that much. It's only a 2 mile stretch where I have to worry about it.


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## lancezneighbor (May 4, 2002)

Just barely go fast enough to encourage him. I have a friend who is vastly faster than me, he sometimes comes up behind me on a leisurly commute home. He slows to chat and hang out but keeps his pace at near my peak "commuting" speed. Do this to your squeeky friend keep him danglingly with the prospect of catching that wacko in the lycra.


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## rockcrusher (Sep 26, 2005)

*Just to clarify*

The 3rd street bike path is a city street that is designated a bike path and is open to automotive vehicular traffic but meanders through neighborhoods so traffic is local only.

Unfortunately local only includes University renters, dorms and people searching for legal street parking near the U. Can be dangerous at times, have had a few close calls with stop sign rollers.

Definitely not a bike path as in 8' wide paved center stripe multi use bicycle pedestrian roller blader type thing. 24' of pebbley, rough sun bake road, lined with trees, cars and million dollar homes.


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## fast ferd (Jan 30, 2009)

I like your writeup. We all encounter a Mr. Weirdly on occasion. My most recent one during my 24-mile commute only hung on for a half mile before turning on to a side street. He rode a hybrid with platform pedals. I could hear him huffing and puffing behind me, not close enough to draft. Up to me catching him, however, he was going rather slow, so it caught me by surprise when he opted to turn competitive. He prolly later told his wife that he stayed with some racer dude no problem.

Worse is when I turn into Mr. Weirdly. Head out for a slow recovery ride and get passed by somebody, could be a total wanker-looking rider. Can't let that happen! I end up grinding them into the asphalt like the bug they are! And I'm hardly a Fast Ferd, really.


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## jd3 (Oct 8, 2004)

I'd slow down and ride behind the muffintops.


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## m_s (Nov 20, 2007)

That was a great writeup. I remember lots of these guys during rush hour on Portland bike routes.


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## rockcrusher (Sep 26, 2005)

*i humbly accept your humor*



empty_set said:


> I'm guessing my attempt at humor failed.
> 
> Anyway, I deal with the same thing on College Ave near the ASU campus. All is as you describe. I guess I just don't think about them that much. It's only a 2 mile stretch where I have to worry about it.


and i retract my previous statement. I rarely ever think about them much less worry but the popping snapping crackling rice crispy dudes actions yesterday gave me due cause to reflect on them. Yesterday Mr. Weirdly Competitive bike dude was my muse, forcing my hand at reflection on aspects of competitiveness I had never let myself consider. 

It is oddly weird and compelling in and of itself. A long drawn out experience of that nanosecond that transpires when you see that silhouette of a cyclist ahead and in that instance you estimate their speed and whether you will catch them before the next light or whether their pace is above yours and a chase would be fruitless. 

Predator and prey, hawk and rabbit, cheetah and antelope, played out at 20mph upon 120tpi cotton casings, rubber strips, a handful of stainless steel wires and a few pounds of metal tubes and synthetic materials.


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## mbaha (Jul 2, 2007)

jd3 said:


> I'd slow down and ride behind the muffintops.


+1 When I was riding to lunch the other day I had a really hard passing a bikini clad beauty riding a skate board, surfboard under the arm, and shorts falling down!!


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## rockcrusher (Sep 26, 2005)

mbaha said:


> +1 When I was riding to lunch the other day I had a really hard passing a bikini clad beauty riding a skate board, surfboard under the arm, and shorts falling down!!



wow you definitely do not live in tucson and might I again say Wow.


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## jgsatl (Mar 16, 2009)

nice that your towns have bike paths. and ones with college girls no less.


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## Val_Garou (Apr 30, 2002)

rockcrusher said:


> wow you definitely do not live in tucson and might I again say Wow.


Really? I've passed more than a few chicas on skateboards heading to the U (though mostly on Mountain), and girls have come to my class wearing bikinis before. You're not on campus enough, I guess.


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## llama31 (Jan 13, 2006)

So that was you?!?  I'll get you next time!!

Just kidding. You're current approach seems fine as long as it works. If he gets stronger you may have to kick it up a notch.


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## rockcrusher (Sep 26, 2005)

Val_Garou said:


> Really? I've passed more than a few chicas on skateboards heading to the U (though mostly on Mountain), and girls have come to my class wearing bikinis before. You're not on campus enough, I guess.


I did my time there 5 years was enough and I am married after all. Ha ha. Seriously though I am married.


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## JohnnyTooBad (Apr 5, 2004)

Get ahead by about 30-50 feet and just keep looking back and encouraging to catch up. make him work. He'll kill himself if he knows that you know he's back there trying. Then, let off the pedals and coast until he catches up. ask him about his ratty drive train and explain how he needs to clean it up and it'll add 2-3 mph to his speed. Then, tell him his seat's too high and get back 30 feet in front of him until he explodes.


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## rockcrusher (Sep 26, 2005)

JohnnyTooBad said:


> Get ahead by about 30-50 feet and just keep looking back and encouraging to catch up. make him work. He'll kill himself if he knows that you know he's back there trying. Then, let off the pedals and coast until he catches up. ask him about his ratty drive train and explain how he needs to clean it up and it'll add 2-3 mph to his speed. Then, tell him his seat's too high and get back 30 feet in front of him until he explodes.



ha ha that is funny but no that isn't fair....people hate to be criticized much less antagonized and it is funnier if you do it without acknowledging them in any way.


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## RedRex (Oct 24, 2004)

Even worse...

On the American River Bike path we get what you would call, the "5pm cubicle exploders". You know the ones; the guys who meet at the office parking lot with their plastic "look like a racer but never acutally race" frames. And then they EXPLODE on the bike trail for 90 minutes before dark.......

..while the daily commuters continue doing their thing; riding to and from work.

It's the strangest thing. Lots of the full-time commuters are serious, hard-core cyclists. Lots of racers, ultracyclists, etc. So they load up their touring frames and ride to work, HARD.

And these strong commuters silently come up on the "look like a racer" groups, smile, and wave as they pass on up ahead, on their way home with four panniers.

The "look like a racer crowd" doesn't like this, especially with their plastic frames. They particularly can't stand being passed by the cross frames with fenders and 36mm tires. They HATE this.

So they give chase. And they draft.

So you know what I do now? 

I slam on the brakes.

It works.

"I don't know officer, I was just riding home, I was coming up on my left turn where I go home, I squeezed my brakes, and I heard a loud YELL from behind, turned around and see this cyclist flying into the trees, down into the rocks and into the river. Strange. I'm not sure, but I'm guessing he didn't leave proper braking distance and was operating his bicycle in an unsafe manner? Hard to tell, really. I'm not sure what he was thinking."


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## PBike (Jul 6, 2007)

You had me at "muffintop."

Seriously, nice writeup. I usually only get the over competitive types while riding the motorcycle. I usually employ the same strategy as MB1, I let them go by, of course later I lose them in the curves. It is amazing how good they are at riding in a straight line, but get them in the twisty mountain roads and they are slower than my 1984 Ross Mt. Rainier.


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## Leopold Porkstacker (Jul 15, 2005)

*rockcrusher*, I have to say that your writing style is very enjoyable to read. It’s as though I am reading a column in a newspaper by a well-established and popular columnist. Words are laid down, and I am visualising words into motion with minimal effort. :thumbsup:


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## KenS (Jan 28, 2004)

*I was a weirdly competitive bike dude at one point*

I remember a point in my life when I was riding regularly on a Mongoose mountain bike with platform pedals, cheap touring shoes, nylon hiking shorts, and a Walmart exercise shirt. I couldn't believe that people would spend $200 on shoes, $100 on pedals, $60 on shorts and $60 on a shirt. I felt if I could keep up with those other bikers then it would be vindication that one didn't need that fancy-schmancy stuff to be a real biker.

So give the guy a break. He may be wanting to be a biker like you.

(On the other hand, my bike was tuned. I couldn't believe that people paid $$ to have other people do maintenance on their bike.)


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## Mr. Versatile (Nov 24, 2005)

I just let them go without any response from me. I never feel the need to speed up to show that I'm superior, I let them pass, let them beat me up hills, whatever. Basically, I don't give a crap.


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## RedRex (Oct 24, 2004)

Mr. Versatile said:


> I just let them go without any response from me. I never feel the need to speed up to show that I'm superior, I let them pass, let them beat me up hills, whatever. Basically, I don't give a crap.



Agreed. I put a big yellow button on my touring bike's rear pannier; "No Wheel Sucking". If I pass someone with a wave, look in my mirror and see them stomping, and they catch up...

....they get the brakes.

I've talked to a gal rider pal of mine, and we both agree; it's a male thing. For some reason the dudes don't like being "passed" by a touring rig and they give chase. It's the darndest thing.


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## slowrider (Mar 12, 2004)

I had a guy like that last year. I would see him weekly on my way home. I singlespeed most of my commutes, and he rides a Trek 1500 road bike. No contest, so I would just let him go. 

Well anyway, after I added my 5th bike to the stable (Walmart road bike) that I pimped into a commuter with gears, we met, and it was on. In my head I was like "I got some gears today M----F----". 

It's about 1 1/2 mile stretch of road where I would see him before we both turned. As soon as he saw me, he started to sprint, I stayed close until he shot his load, then I hit it. I can see him in my mirror falling back, he was out saddle just trying to stay close. I knew he was going to try another sprint before the turn, and I was hoping that he would give me about 30 seconds to recover, which he did, and I held him off by at least 20 feet before we turned. 

After the turn, before he made the turn into where he lives, he yelled "Yo, You keep a nice pace on that bike" and I yelled back 
"It's not the bike" 

My thighs were burning, and my lungs hurt. I soft pedal the last 2 miles home. The tank was on empty.


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## Fixed (May 12, 2005)

*burning legs*



slowrider said:


> My thighs were burning, and my lungs hurt. I soft pedal the last 2 miles home. The tank was on empty.


Late last summer and early fall, when gas prices were $5 a gallon here, I started to find more and more people on those electric motor scooter things, like a Vespa, but less powerful. It was like throwing a rabbit out in front of a greyhound. I could not help myself. I could easily out accellerate them, but holding speed in front was pretty hard. They can do about 25 mph, so holding that speed while intermittently stopping and accellerating repeatedly through town was a bit difficult. I just hoped I could "win" long enough until they turned off, when, like you say, I'd have a melt down where they could not see me. Never let them see you blow up. 

Now, this was all in the name of promoting cycling, of course. I figured they'd get the idea that bikes could be just as fast or faster than driving a motor vehicle, so they may as well ride bikes. That was my rationalization, at least.


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## FatTireFred (Jan 31, 2005)

slowrider said:


> I had a guy like that last year. I would see him weekly on my way home. I singlespeed most of my commutes, and he rides a Trek 1500 road bike. No contest, so I would just let him go.
> 
> Well anyway, after I added my 5th bike to the stable (Walmart road bike) that I pimped into a commuter with gears, we met, and it was on. In my head I was like "I got some gears today M----F----".
> 
> ...




20 feet???


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## BianchiJoe (Jul 22, 2005)

rockcrusher said:


> On what planet does someone on a poorly maintained poorly adjusted Trek Hybrid college bike think that they can catch a person wearing cycling clothing on a skinny tired well adjusted well lubed racing bike?


Not to stir the pot, but the above seems a little "weirdly competitive" to me. Cycling clothing? Really?


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## Fixed (May 12, 2005)

*tone*



BianchiJoe said:


> Not to stir the pot, but the above seems a little "weirdly competitive" to me. Cycling clothing? Really?


I think there is a fair bit of tongue in cheek throughout this thread.


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## rockcrusher (Sep 26, 2005)

BianchiJoe said:


> Not to stir the pot, but the above seems a little "weirdly competitive" to me. Cycling clothing? Really?


well versus a set of well worn (or purchased that way) $150 abercrombie and fitch jeans and 2 popped collar polo shirts, yes.


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## yakky (May 7, 2008)

Start a conversation with him. He'll be gasping for air and trying to keep up. Ask all sorts of questions that require long answers. Ask him to repeat because you can't hear. Amazingly fun to watch them suffer.


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## BianchiJoe (Jul 22, 2005)

rockcrusher said:


> well versus a set of well worn (or purchased that way) $150 abercrombie and fitch jeans and 2 popped collar polo shirts, yes.


Oh, right. Because _nobody_ in jeans can possibly be as good a rider as _anyone_ in lycra.  

"Weirdly competitive" apparently isn't restricted to cycling in this thread.

So much for "tongue in cheek", Fixed.


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## rockcrusher (Sep 26, 2005)

BianchiJoe said:


> Oh, right. Because _nobody_ in jeans can possibly be as good a rider as _anyone_ in lycra.
> 
> "Weirdly competitive" apparently isn't restricted to cycling in this thread.
> 
> So much for "tongue in cheek", Fixed.



i dunno. if you are fixing to race you better be ready to go the distance and I would wager the boys would be getting pretty chafed after a coupla miles of playing race. Never bring a knife to a gun fight is a good motto to live by. 

Unless you are a ninja.


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## whataklug (Mar 6, 2007)

Last year I retired my old Aegis road bike and decided to turn it into a fixie. They have a bolt on 120 spaced horizontal dropout kit for it. Purchased an ellipse rear wheel and the ultimate townie jerk bike was born. I commute on it as much as possible and people from the hipsters to the roadies have a huge problem with me passing them. It is a 13.5lb bike that has 44/17 gearing. When the road is flat I am going fast...period. With goofy dh bars and a camo frame pad the bike is simply so corny that people do not expect it to be fast. 
The ignorance about the rig is the funniest, people can not understand why it actually sprints up hills and drops them on the flats. Oh, it helps a bunch I ride alot and also like to engage in conversation with people as they pass, or better yet, pretend to sprint about a thousand feet early and let them crack while you finish the conversation on the way by. 
Seriously though, the ultimate is when they are on aero bars. Nothing sweeter than that.


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## BianchiJoe (Jul 22, 2005)

rockcrusher said:


> you better be ready to go the distance.





rockcrusher said:


> Never bring a knife to a gun fight.


Whatever you say, Mr. Weirdly Competitive bike dude ... oops, I mean "Rockcrusher."


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## Slim Again Soon (Oct 25, 2005)

Let's hear it for the "5pm cubicle exploders." Good for them.

And if they're exploding for 90 minutes, they must have something going on.


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