# When will Lance stop shaving?



## Fixed (May 12, 2005)

So, when will Lance stop shaving his legs? Isn't that the question most people really want to know the answer to now that he retired?


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## OES (Jan 23, 2002)

Fixed said:


> So, when will Lance stop shaving his legs? Isn't that the question most people really want to know the answer to now that he retired?


He will always shave, he's a true cyclist! Why do you hate Lance? I mean, I may hate America but you hate Lance and that's a lot worse.


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## OES (Jan 23, 2002)

thatsmybush said:


> Why don't you learn something about Lance before you start talking. You don't know him so you can't say...good or bad. And listening to Cheryl Crow records isn't the same thing.


Hey, I no that World War II happened, and that the Germans started it when they bombed Pearl Harbor. Didn't have to be there, pal. Your a idiot.


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## Fixed (May 12, 2005)

*your a idiot*



OldEdScott said:


> He will always shave, he's a true cyclist! Why do you hate Lance? I mean, I may hate America but you hate Lance and that's a lot worse.


Only poseurs shave unless they are professionals, though. Your obviously a poseur. Shaving is also unAmerican unless your a European pro, too.


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## thatsmybush (Mar 12, 2002)

Why don't you learn something about Lance before you start talking. You don't know him so you can't say...good or bad. And listening to Cheryl Crow records isn't the same thing.


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## Live Steam (Feb 4, 2004)

You're off the meds again, I see. Retirement is making you bonkers. Here's somethin' to keep you entertained 

*Did you hear about the guy from Kentucky who passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow? She can't touch it 'til she's 14.

How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the front desk replies, "Go ahead."

How can you tell if a Kentucky ******* is married? There is dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Kentucky to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Kentucky? Documentaries.

Where was the toothbrush invented? Kentucky. If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

A Kentucky State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" The drive responds, "Bout what?"

Did you hear about the $3 million Kentucky State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Kentucky burned down? Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss, too. Both books-poof - up in flames, and the governor hadn't even finished coloring one of them.

Did you hear about the new divorce law in Kentucky? When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.*


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## Fixed (May 12, 2005)

*sorry*



thatsmybush said:


> Why don't you learn something about Lance before you start talking. You don't know him so you can't say...good or bad. And listening to Cheryl Crow records isn't the same thing.


I heard it from someone who knows Lance that his chemotherapy caused all the hair to fall off his legs, and it never grew back. Wasn't that in his book?


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## Live Steam (Feb 4, 2004)

Get a grip!


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## haiku d'etat (Apr 28, 2001)

you have been stickied with my compliments.


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## MR_GRUMPY (Aug 21, 2002)

Next, you'll be saying that he'll make a stinky governor of Texas.
For me, It'll depend on what party he runs under. If he picks the correct party, he'll be great, from day 1, I'm sure.
Why do you hate Lance ?


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## haiku d'etat (Apr 28, 2001)

MR_GRUMPY said:


> Next, you'll be saying that he'll make a stinky governor of Texas.
> For me, It'll depend on what party he runs under. If he picks the correct party, he'll be great, from day 1, I'm sure.
> Why do you hate Lance ?


he doesn't hate lance, he hates FREEDOM, and lance represents FREEDOM, if you _really _ know him.


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## Dave Hickey (Jan 27, 2002)

Fixed said:
 

> So, when will Lance stop shaving his legs?


When Sheryl starts?


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## mb168 (Jan 3, 2005)

OldEdScott said:


> Hey, I no that World War II happened, and that the Germans started it when they bombed Pearl Harbor. Didn't have to be there, pal. Your a idiot.


HA HA, Germans bombing Pearl Harbor !


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## Bocephus Jones II (Oct 7, 2004)

Fixed said:


> So, when will Lance stop shaving his legs? Isn't that the question most people really want to know the answer to now that he retired?


What kind of shaving cream and razor does Lance use? I imagine that whatever he uses would be the best so I will have to upgrade to what he uses. Also does anyone know what kind of PIE Lance eats?


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## MR_GRUMPY (Aug 21, 2002)

Do you mean that he also hates god ?


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## Bocephus Jones II (Oct 7, 2004)

mb168 said:


> HA HA, Germans bombing Pearl Harbor !


forget it..he's rolling.


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## Dave Hickey (Jan 27, 2002)

Bocephus Jones II said:


> forget it..he's rolling.



What are we supposed to do?..you moron....


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## Scot_Gore (Jan 25, 2002)

*Never shaved in the first place*



Fixed said:


> So, when will Lance stop shaving his legs? Isn't that the question most people really want to know the answer to now that he retired?


Through the application of superior discipline, training, state of mind, diet, and of course having a good team around him. Lance long ago willed the hair on his legs to stop growing. Chris Horner was quoted just before the the start of the tour, "hey the rest of us in the peleton, we spend about an hour a week shaving our legs....not Lance, he spends that time riding up and AlpDuez 4 or 5 times". 

There's no way he just turn it off, the hair just won't grow......ever again.

Sincerely 
FanBoy


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## naawillis (Oct 6, 2004)

Bocephus Jones II said:


> What kind of shaving cream and razor does Lance use? I imagine that whatever he uses would be the best so I will have to upgrade to what he uses. Also does anyone know what kind of PIE Lance eats?


lances uses a prototype OCLV 55/boron composite razor developed by trek in conjuction with gilette. it weighs in at a scant 2.114g. for time trials, he has one with a carbon fairing on it for aero advantage. its noticeably better in the crosswinds. as for shaving cream, he doesnt need it. all the lactic acid he metabolises in his legs actually get secreted out his sweat glands and he can just shave with that. true story.


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## haiku d'etat (Apr 28, 2001)

sorry do(u)g, i tried, really i did, and stickied your thread. but somebody unstickied it.

i'm apparently not in much trouble, tho, since there's been no flaming PM yet.  

discuss...

LOL!


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## colker1 (Jan 2, 2003)

*does he shave his chest?*

i'm SURE someone here knows it.


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## Jwh445 (Dec 2, 2002)

Was that "OCLV 55/boron composite razor developed by trek in conjuction with gilette" conceived using the Athlon processor??

John


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## wipeout (Jun 6, 2005)

Live Steam said:


> You're off the meds again, I see. Retirement is making you bonkers. Here's somethin' to keep you entertained
> 
> *Did you hear about the guy from Kentucky who passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow? She can't touch it 'til she's 14.
> 
> ...



Hey, don't be poking fun at any group of people or Utah CragHopper with call you a bigot!!!!! You have been warned!


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## Bocephus Jones II (Oct 7, 2004)

Jwh445 said:


> Was that "OCLV 55/boron composite razor developed by trek in conjuction with gilette" conceived using the Athlon processor??
> 
> John


I hear there's donuts in the conference room. Expedia....DOT COMMMMMMMMMMMM


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## cyclejim (Mar 31, 2004)

colker1 said:


> i'm SURE someone here knows it.


Yep, I heard Sheryl does it for him too.


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## Bocephus Jones II (Oct 7, 2004)

cyclejim said:


> Yep, I heard Sheryl does it for him too.


does it involve a cobra snake and milk? I think I heard that one before.


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## OES (Jan 23, 2002)

J's Haiku Shop said:


> sorry do(u)g, i tried, really i did, and stickied your thread. but somebody unstickied it.
> 
> i'm apparently not in much trouble, tho, since there's been no flaming PM yet.
> 
> ...


Your a absolute IDIOT, but I LMFAO out loud over the 'no flaming PM!"

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!


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## Dave Hickey (Jan 27, 2002)

Bocephus Jones II said:


> I hear there's donuts in the conference room. Expedia....DOT COMMMMMMMMMMMM


I heard Lance is going to buy a metal detector now that he's retired....


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## KeeponTrekkin (Aug 29, 2002)

*At the risk of posting a serious reply...*

I heard Lance say that one of the things he was looking forward to in retirement was to become a "hairy legged man". I think that answers the original question and I had fun getting to the bottom of the thread.


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## Fixed (May 12, 2005)

*thanks anyway*



J's Haiku Shop said:


> sorry do(u)g, i tried, really i did, and stickied your thread. but somebody unstickied it.
> 
> i'm apparently not in much trouble, tho, since there's been no flaming PM yet.
> 
> ...


Thanks. I thought it was worthy. We'll have to just keep posting stupid replies to keep it up there/here.


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## Ignatz (Sep 9, 2004)

*Too easy...*



Bocephus Jones II said:


> Also does anyone know what kind of PIE Lance eats?


Lance eats crow, not pie...


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## haiku d'etat (Apr 28, 2001)

MR_GRUMPY said:


> Do you mean that he also hates god ?


no. logic:

lance is god
he does not hate lance
so he does not hate god

right?


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## haiku d'etat (Apr 28, 2001)

J's Haiku Shop said:


> ps i RE-FUSE to post stupid replies for the sole purpose of bumping the thread.
> 
> THAT my friend is AGIN forum guidelines and i WON'T hear of it.
> 
> ...


ps. im serious about this, reel serious. don't y'all doubt my sinceritty.


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## haiku d'etat (Apr 28, 2001)

Fixed said:


> Thanks. I thought it was worthy. We'll have to just keep posting stupid replies to keep it up there/here.


your a idiot


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## haiku d'etat (Apr 28, 2001)

J's Haiku Shop said:


> your a idiot


ps i RE-FUSE to post stupid replies for the sole purpose of bumping the thread.

THAT my friend is AGIN forum guidelines and i WON'T hear of it.

moderator's warning: DO NOT bump this thread just to get it bumped and like that, etc. etc. 

BUMPERS will be dealt with using a heavy hand.

-flinty


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## bigchromewheelssuck (May 26, 2005)

only "poseurs" worry about it.


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## Fixed (May 12, 2005)

*guidelines?*



J's Haiku Shop said:


> ps i RE-FUSE to post stupid replies for the sole purpose of bumping the thread.
> 
> THAT my friend is AGIN forum guidelines and i WON'T hear of it.
> 
> ...


Are there any guidelines to let us know when a reply is considered a "bumper"? I would never want to run afoul of the forum guidelines.


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## Fixed (May 12, 2005)

*oh?*



bigchromewheelssuck said:


> only "poseurs" worry about it.


Only poseurs post about someone else being a poseur who posts about poseurs.


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## Bocephus Jones II (Oct 7, 2004)

Fixed said:


> Are there any guidelines to let us know when a reply is considered a "bumper"? I would never want to run afoul of the forum guidelines.


Me neither...I would never want to do that.


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## MR_GRUMPY (Aug 21, 2002)

No, you read that wrong. He said that he was going to change his name to Harry, and that he was going to walk around alot.


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## beantownbiker (May 30, 2002)

*kentucky virus*

if your reading this thread your computer has contracted the "Kentucky virus" 

Please delete all the files on your hard drive and forward this thread to all of your friends...


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## Bocephus Jones II (Oct 7, 2004)

Fixed said:


> Only poseurs post about someone else being a poseur who posts about poseurs.


You mean poseurs posting positively portentous posts pertaining partially to pedantically pompous pronouncements?


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## SteveCnj (Oct 6, 2003)

Bocephus Jones II said:


> You mean poseurs posting positively portentous posts pertaining partially to pedantically pompous pronouncements?


PRECISELY!


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## Gripped (Nov 27, 2002)

Fixed said:


> Only poseurs post about someone else being a poseur who posts about poseurs.


Who's the poseur? The poseur or the one replying to the poseur?


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## Scot_Gore (Jan 25, 2002)

Bocephus Jones II said:


> Me neither...I would never want to do that.


Or me, what do I need to do to keep from bumping this thread to the top. 

Help me moderator,...you're my only hope.


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## RodeRash (May 18, 2005)

*It's YOU'RE, Not "Your."*



Fixed said:


> Only poseurs shave unless they are professionals, though. Your obviously a poseur. Shaving is also unAmerican unless your a European pro, too.


I thought maybe I'd bring you up to speed, grammar-wise. Particularly since one of the three mis-uses of the personal pronoun in place of what should be a contraction is the sentence, "Your and idiot." 

It's "YOU'RE AN IDIOT."  -- and I can't think of better irony.


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## Bocephus Jones II (Oct 7, 2004)

RodeRash said:


> I thought maybe I'd bring you up to speed, grammar-wise. Particularly since one of the three mis-uses of the personal pronoun in place of what should be a contraction is the sentence, "Your and idiot."
> 
> It's "YOU'RE AN IDIOT."  -- and I can't think of better irony.


umm...you fell into the NC trap. In our alternate reality it is indeed "your"...Post a PIC!, Have some PIE, HTH and all that.


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## wipeout (Jun 6, 2005)

RodeRash said:


> I thought maybe I'd bring you up to speed, grammar-wise. Particularly since one of the three mis-uses of the personal pronoun in place of what should be a contraction is the sentence, "Your and idiot."
> 
> It's "YOU'RE AN IDIOT."  -- and I can't think of better irony.


Holy Double-Irony, Batman!!


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## KonaMan (Sep 22, 2004)

The scary part is I have to travel to Kentucky on business frequently... and some of that is no lie...


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## Nigel (Jun 5, 2005)

"Don't mess with texas".....


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## haiku d'etat (Apr 28, 2001)

RodeRash said:


> I thought maybe I'd bring you up to speed, grammar-wise. Particularly since one of the three mis-uses of the personal pronoun in place of what should be a contraction is the sentence, "Your and idiot."
> 
> It's "YOU'RE AN IDIOT."  -- and I can't think of better irony.


finally, a educated idiot in our mist.


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## haiku d'etat (Apr 28, 2001)

hey fellas, the grammer police showed up and they're p!ssed. i never thought i'd see this so soon (or so long ago, depending on the state of the continuuuuuuum) on my internet(s) comPter.


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## mrfixit (Sep 10, 2004)

Dave Hickey said:


> When Sheryl starts?


 Sheryl has hairy legs  proof!


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## Iwannapodiumgirl (Jun 26, 2002)

*irony indeed...*



RodeRash said:


> I thought maybe I'd bring you up to speed, grammar-wise. Particularly since one of the three mis-uses of the personal pronoun in place of what should be a contraction is the sentence, "Your and idiot."
> 
> It's "YOU'RE AN IDIOT."  -- and I can't think of better irony.


But J's Haiku Shop's original post was "your a idiot"... so you corrected him on the "your" but not on the "a"?!?!

He should have used "an" - as in the determiner form of "a" used before an initial vowel sound. So J should have said “You’re AN idiot”.

Some people still use "an" before words that begin with "h" eg "...it was an honour for Lance to win 7 Tours" yet this usage is now obsolete, eg "...it was a honour for Lance to win 7 Tours"

So the ironic irony’s irony?!?!


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## sgt_hedgehog (Jun 28, 2004)

Bocephus Jones II said:


> You mean poseurs posting positively portentous posts pertaining partially to pedantically pompous pronouncements?



OOOOOO BUUURRRNNNN!!!!!


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## Natethegrate (Jul 15, 2005)

*Legs, shave, who Lance?*

So is that what the song is about, the first shaving cut? I wouldn't let my ol' lady shave my legs either if she cut me every time. 
*Long live hairy legs.*


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## sgt_hedgehog (Jun 28, 2004)

Jwh445 said:


> Was that "OCLV 55/boron composite razor developed by trek in conjuction with gilette" conceived using the Athlon processor??
> 
> John


they did wind tunnel testing in San Diego to minimize drag so he can "shave" precious seconds off his time.
......
......
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
haha that was a good one-"shave" haha...heh.


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## HAL9000 (May 1, 2002)

I'm back, what did I miss?


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