# Shaving the taint / betweenus / perinium



## pdenman33 (Mar 5, 2012)

Ok so it's time to just put this out there - who shaves their taint? And for that matter, if you shave your legs, where do you stop? 
I've been riding for about 4 years unshaved now, and my posterior has been a major source of irritation for me. I used to think it was my seat bones, but now as i really dial in my fit, i'm starting to wonder :idea: is it simply a matter of follicle irritation? I feel that, essentially, where i need to sit for my seat bones to be properly oriented causes the fleshy bits pain. Were this not a consistent 4-year problem, I would chalk it up to lack of conditioning tenderness. 

Pros and cons of shaving 'twixt your legs, and who's done it?? And is there a way to do it without going spread eagle with clippers in front of a floor mirror...


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## sculpin (Sep 12, 2009)

There's always this option...

The 40 Year Old Virgin (2/8) Movie CLIP - Man O' Lantern (2005) HD - YouTube


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## SystemShock (Jun 14, 2008)

.....


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## Clipped_in (May 5, 2011)

pdenman33 said:


> ...who shaves their taint?


Two places I do not want *ANY* stubble and that is there and behind my knees. No shavy.:blush2:


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## Oxtox (Aug 16, 2006)

I'm thinking a shaved taint ain't gonna generate any smiley faces after the first 24 hrs is up...

stubble or razor burn in that particular area could be really unpleasant.


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## mykol77 (Aug 1, 2011)

Wtf????!!!!!


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## mtnroadie (Jul 6, 2010)

DONT DO IT!

Stop at your upper thighs. 

I dont shave for most of the year, come poison ivy season, hot humid summers and when people stare and laugh at my hairy gorilla legs I have to start.


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## Clipped_in (May 5, 2011)

pdenman33 said:


> Pros and cons of shaving 'twixt your legs, and who's done it??


You could just put embro down there to get the party started...:mad2::cryin: Brings new meaning to the term "Sufferfest".


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## tihsepa (Nov 27, 2008)

Do it you wuss. 


Be a pioneer.


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## forge55b (Jan 30, 2011)

time to lube up


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## Marc (Jan 23, 2005)

I *knew* I should not have clicked on this thread.


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## Mike T. (Feb 3, 2004)

I demand my click back.


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## murbike (Jan 22, 2004)

Why, in Gawd's name, would you even WANT to shave your taint?


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## w-g (Mar 9, 2006)

*Had to hunt back in time for this bit of advice...*

(I do not take credit for this one)

Don't Shave 

I have recently made one of the biggest mistakes in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. 

No, I was not constipated. This was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny balls of sh1t were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my ass-cheeks. It led to much frustration, with me knowing that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butt hair dwelling place. Eventually I would have to do one of two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its ‘Can't-Be-Flushed’ threshold. 

As I was contemplating this problem, I had what seemed at the time to be a brilliant idea. “Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair all together, and then my crap will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements, things like "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK, or "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea. 

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled; satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. 

Little did I know? 

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two ass-cheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry. 

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic sh1t- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky sh1t/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. And I mean it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. 

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4-block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering sh1t/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own sh1t blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." 

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair, ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my ass-cheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum-sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. 

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing back in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a Brillo pad. Well, that’s what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony. 

All I can say is friends don’t shave your ass hair! 

The end…


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## walter2007 (Nov 22, 2007)

pdenman33 said:


> Ok so it's time to just put this out there - who shaves their taint? And for that matter, if you shave your legs, where do you stop?
> I've been riding for about 4 years unshaved now, and my posterior has been a major source of irritation for me. I used to think it was my seat bones, but now as i really dial in my fit, i'm starting to wonder :idea: is it simply a matter of follicle irritation? I feel that, essentially, where i need to sit for my seat bones to be properly oriented causes the fleshy bits pain. Were this not a consistent 4-year problem, I would chalk it up to lack of conditioning tenderness.
> 
> Pros and cons of shaving 'twixt your legs, and who's done it?? And is there a way to do it without going spread eagle with clippers in front of a floor mirror...




Do the world a favor and don"t reproduce.


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## rcharrette (Mar 27, 2007)

*Wow!*

Still laughing hours later:thumbsup:


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## erik1245 (Jan 6, 2012)

Clipped_in said:


> Two places I do not want *ANY* stubble and that is there and behind my knees. No shavy.:blush2:


The back of the knee is only bad from stubble after the very first time shaving.... After that, the skin toughens up and you don't even notice it any longer.


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## Karcas (Mar 23, 2012)

w-g said:


> (I do not take credit for this one)
> 
> Don't Shave
> 
> ...


Had me laughing the whole time!

I was blessed with ample amounts of body hair. I've shaved my chest for awhile now (started while taking pictures to compare during weight loss). I started shaving my legs to mid thigh about a month ago. I had the thought one day that it only makes sense to connect the two shaved areas. Rather than SHAVE everything, I trimmed, with a short guard, the works from mid thigh to waist (got rid of the wool shorts). The only problem so far is that I had to buy a separate trimmer, one for brown town, and one for face.
Wife likes the trimmed version of me and I like that my ass wipes clean with no poo traps. Win Win


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## Local Hero (Jul 8, 2010)

I do. 

No problems.


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## robdamanii (Feb 13, 2006)

w-g said:


> (I do not take credit for this one)
> 
> Don't Shave
> 
> ...


Did that happen to come from EHOWA?

And on topic....WTF would you even contemplate shaving your crack?


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## Retro Grouch (Apr 30, 2002)

*Interesting Thread*

:blush2::blush2::blush2:


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## tihsepa (Nov 27, 2008)

Retro Grouch said:


> :blush2::blush2::blush2:


Is that you?


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## tlg (May 11, 2011)

Now this one thread that is *BETTER *without pictures!


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## nOOky (Mar 20, 2009)

I shave my whole lower half, taint, big Jim and the twins, toes, everything. Then I slap on a generous dose of Aqua Velva and just sit back and enjoy the burn.


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## Retro Grouch (Apr 30, 2002)

tihsepa said:


> Is that you?


Yes...

but only when the fleet is in town


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## Erion929 (Jun 10, 2010)

I do it often, because my girl likes it bald and smooth down there....not for cycling reasons . And if she likes it bald and smooth and that leads to more action, then shave it is .

I had bought a new electric foil shaver (not rotary!) and was going to throw my old one out. I tried it "down there" and it works fine. You have to be sorta careful, but generally no issues. Haven't gotten any "stubble", but then I don't have coarse hair.

Keeps me youthful looking, haha! 

**


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## Old Man (Apr 8, 2012)

Thats F'ed up! Nope, legs only here


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## mmlee (Apr 15, 2012)

this is the funniest thread..... can't stop laughing.... I think I'm getting a hernia from all the laughing................... please stop can't take any more........ no, keep it going.... always could use a good laugh.


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## progolferv1 (Apr 15, 2012)

After reading the headline and seeing the small black camera, I have never been so nervous opening a thread.


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## Creakyknees (Sep 21, 2003)

I begin at my toes and stop at my sideburns. Daily.


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## w-g (Mar 9, 2006)

robdamanii said:


> Did that happen to come from EHOWA?


I don't remember where I found this gem of literary genius. I've had it for some years now. Every now and then I gotta share it again.


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## Longhair-NL (Mar 31, 2012)

When did men turn into such women with all this shaving stuff?

The only place a man should shave is their face and neck.


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## den bakker (Nov 13, 2004)

Longhair-NL said:


> The only place a man should shave is their face and neck.


When did men turn into such women with all this shaving stuff?


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## tihsepa (Nov 27, 2008)

Longhair-NL said:


> The only place a man should shave is their face and neck.





den bakker said:


> When did men turn into such women with all this shaving stuff?


Know many women that shve their face and neck do ya?


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## kbwh (May 28, 2010)

Erion929 said:


> I do it often, because my girl likes it bald and smooth down there....not for cycling reasons . And if she likes it bald and smooth and that leads to more action, then shave it is .


More or less the same here.

I've been riding both unshaven and shaven in the area. Cannot tell any difference when it comes to boils/saddle sores and such. Shaving requires frequent maintenance with the razor, but makes for easier inspection.

As for what's customary to do, I've seen (in _Chasing Legends_) that George Hincapie leaves a "hair boxer", and I've seen others who do that too. I (and the wife) think it looks weird on myself, and a "hair brief" doesn't look much better.

Back to the "funny" replies, then.


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## tdietz87 (Apr 19, 2011)

Erion929 said:


> I do it often, because my girl likes it bald and smooth down there....not for cycling reasons . And if she likes it bald and smooth and that leads to more action, then shave it is .
> 
> **


Me too, but I cannot comment on riding after shaving


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## qatarbhoy (Aug 17, 2009)

When I first heard of the 'back, sack and crack' I thought it was a joke. Apparently not. 

I have heard of barbers on the Indian subcontinent who will trim a customer's anal hairs. My barbers for the past 8 years have all hailed from that region: just a short back and sides for me, thanks all the same.


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## tihsepa (Nov 27, 2008)

OP, 

How did it work out?


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## robdamanii (Feb 13, 2006)

w-g said:


> I don't remember where I found this gem of literary genius. I've had it for some years now. Every now and then I gotta share it again.


Yup, found it. I'd rep you if I could, because I forgot about that site and have been chuckling all morning.


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## pdenman33 (Mar 5, 2012)

hahahaha question withdrawn! geez. Ever since I saw Rolf Aldag shaving his legs and ass in "Hell on Wheels," who knows what you weirdos do with your razors behind closed doors!


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## RideN (Apr 5, 2012)

Damn this thread is too funny. Thanks for waking me up this morning!!!


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## den bakker (Nov 13, 2004)

qatarbhoy said:


> When I first heard of the 'back, sack and crack' I thought it was a joke. Apparently not.
> 
> I have heard of barbers on the Indian subcontinent who will trim a customer's anal hairs. My barbers for the past 8 years have all hailed from that region: just a short back and sides for me, thanks all the same.


do you bring your own scissor? just asking


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## King Arthur (Nov 13, 2009)

This particular thread is full of TMI.....


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## kbwh (May 28, 2010)

pdenman33 said:


> hahahaha question withdrawn! geez. Ever since I saw Rolf Aldag shaving his legs and ass in "Hell on Wheels," who knows what you weirdos do with your razors behind closed doors!


Have you ever wondered what Roger de Vlaminck did with the Philips after Jørgen Leth shut down his camera in "A Sunday in Hell"?


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## hanzo111 (Jun 9, 2011)

Dear God, Thank you for NOT posting pics:eek6:


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## nOOky (Mar 20, 2009)

I am fond of a landing strip on a woman, but not on the backside of a man. I'd say if you can tolerate it, shave everything clean.
IBTL and my temporary ban


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## robdamanii (Feb 13, 2006)

nOOky said:


> I am fond of a landing strip on a woman, but not on the backside of a man. I'd say if you can tolerate it, shave everything clean.
> IBTL and my temporary ban


What if they're graying, older than you and slightly plump? 

*ducks*


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## tystevens (Jul 10, 2008)

**still trying to figure out why I clicked on this thread**


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## pdenman33 (Mar 5, 2012)

tystevens said:


> **still trying to figure out why I clicked on this thread**


don't think too hard


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## tlg (May 11, 2011)

tystevens said:


> **still trying to figure out why I clicked on this thread**


There's a Freudian explantion for that. Has to do with your subconsious and your true wants and desires. :ciappa:


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## gordy748 (Feb 11, 2007)

w-g said:


> ... the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.


High-larious!


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## Blackbeerthepirate (Apr 26, 2011)

It's obvious.

EPILADY LEGEND


The product description goes like this....
Epilady Legend is the ultimate rechargeable epilator for fast and thorough hair removal. (Sounds good so far, huh?) New, quiet, wide epilating head ensures fast and smooth eplilating action at virtually any angle. (Guess it'll get all those hard to reach areas, huh?) Removes even the shortest and finest hair by the root, leaving skin smooth for up to four weeks. (And who doesn't want to get their hair yanked out by the roots once a month?) At full speed the Legend eplilator, with its forty tweezing discs, creates thirty-two thousand tweezes per minute! (Sounds like a party to me) Ergonomic design including rubber touch at gripping points to ensure a firm and non-slip hold. (Don't want that thing getting away from you. Apparently, that baby has some torque) Two operating speeds. (Bald and Balder) Kit includes.....blah, blah, blah. (Who needs instruction, you're a guy. Just cram it in there and let her rip)

In the words of the poet Sir Thomas Waits; 
Slices, dices, fillets and chops. Lasts a lifetime, never stops. And it mows your lawn.

Or maybe, you just need a salad spinner, 'cause it sounds like you're gonna get your salad tossed.

OP, however this works out for you, please don't feel the need to share. Thanks


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## nOOky (Mar 20, 2009)

robdamanii said:


> What if they're graying, older than you and slightly plump?
> 
> *ducks*


Thanks, the thought of that is a great weight loss plan. I just tossed my lunch in the trash.
I like the way you're thinking though :thumbsup:


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## SystemShock (Jun 14, 2008)

Just use an Epilator on the offending area. What could go wrong?







.


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## Blackbeerthepirate (Apr 26, 2011)

SystemShock said:


> Just use an Epilator on the offending area. What could go wrong?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 That thing looks like the perfect tool for hair removal.:thumbsup:


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## desertgeezer (Aug 28, 2011)

When I saw the word 'taint' with a little picture of a camera, I just had to look. Although I did squint my eyes so I could get a head start just in case I had to close them really fast.


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## Ridgetop (Mar 1, 2005)

This guy says it's a must:


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## tihsepa (Nov 27, 2008)

SystemShock said:


> Just use an Epilator on the offending area. What could go wrong?
> 
> 
> 
> ]


About twenty years ago me and a couple of my buddies were walking through a department store into a mall. There was one of those displayed on the beauty counter. A friend of mine turned it on and stuck it on the side of his face. I about shi+ myself laughing.


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## rward325 (Sep 22, 2008)

Creakyknees said:


> I begin at my toes and stop at my sideburns. Daily.


^^^^THIS^^^^


Since I was in High School Water Polo. I never stopped because it is more comfortable this way. So that puts it to 1975 until now.


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## brett (Aug 14, 2005)

something threads should never see the light of day ....
reminds me of a discussion with my ex wife. She was telling me about when she was studying to be a beautican. A hands on class, while doing brazillians. A young girl was waxing a customer and too much whatever. When she ripped the strip off everything else internally was ripped out. Ambulance.....hospital....and micro surgery later......brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. So somethings are best left untouched or left to the professionals.
Hey i digress, something about mary......beans and franks !!


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## robdamanii (Feb 13, 2006)

nOOky said:


> Thanks, the thought of that is a great weight loss plan. I just tossed my lunch in the trash.
> I like the way you're thinking though :thumbsup:


I aim to please.


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## jiznake (Jan 24, 2012)

I've shaved that whole general vicinity, and it is better. Cleans better, easier. Hair absorbs odor, you really want a bunch of odor absorbing hair in that area? Also, for running at least, it reduced irritation, I haven't really had problems with with that while cycling, so no change there for me. Its worth trying it, if you don't like it, it'll grow back in a week. I used the Norelco Body Groom, doesn't get super close, but its also pretty safe, still be careful around any loose bits.


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## SystemShock (Jun 14, 2008)

tihsepa said:


> About twenty years ago me and a couple of my buddies were walking through a department store into a mall. There was one of those displayed on the beauty counter. A friend of mine turned it on and stuck it on the side of his face. I about shi+ myself laughing.



We're gonna need a few more details here. Any blood, crying, or screaming?
.


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## RIL49 (Apr 27, 2012)

Once those stubbles cause ingrown hair follicle infections, you will wish you were not so concerned with back there as opposed to moving forward in you cycling. Don't mess with your 'taint'. It 'ain't' worth it.


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## hoges (Apr 14, 2012)

Bravo to the gentleman who crafted post #15. In all my years on the internet and all the forums I have read that has to be the absolute number one piss pants laugher I've ever read. At this point I want to read it again just for the hilarity but I can't because my abs hurt from reading it the first time all the way through.

I tip my hat to you sir!


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## qatarbhoy (Aug 17, 2009)

jiznake said:


> I've shaved that whole general vicinity, and it is better. Cleans better, easier. Hair absorbs odor, you really want a bunch of odor absorbing hair in that area? Also, for running at least, it reduced irritation, I haven't really had problems with with that while cycling, so no change there for me. Its worth trying it, if you don't like it, it'll grow back in a week. I used the Norelco Body Groom, doesn't get super close, but its also pretty safe, still be careful around any loose bits.


RBR Rule #1: Beware of taking advice from someone with a poast count below 20. :thumbsup:


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## jiznake (Jan 24, 2012)

qatarbhoy said:


> RBR Rule #1: Beware of taking advice from someone with a poast count below 20. :thumbsup:


Whatever, beware of egotistical jerks. Like my post count says anything about me. I think you need a new some metrics for judging people.


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## robdamanii (Feb 13, 2006)

jiznake said:


> Whatever, beware of egotistical jerks. Like my post count says anything about me. I think you need a new some metrics for judging people.


I think we judged you the minute you said you shaved your entire undercarriage.


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## jiznake (Jan 24, 2012)

robdamanii said:


> I think we judged you the minute you said you shaved your entire undercarriage.



Ok, egotistical jerk part II. There is no reason to be so judgmental, I had my reasons, and it honestly it worked. You don't know me, so why judge me? I'm willing to bet any assumption you've made about me and my background is probably wrong. He asked for an opinion and I gave mine. So, how about not being such dicks about it, seriously.


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## jiznake (Jan 24, 2012)

walter2007 said:


> When you refer to the term "dicks" you do mean hairless don't you?


Indeed.


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## walter2007 (Nov 22, 2007)

jiznake said:


> So, how about not being such dicks about it, seriously.


When you refer to the term "dicks" you do mean hairless don't you?


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## rider9 (May 27, 2011)

jiznake said:


> Ok, egotistical jerk part II. There is no reason to be so judgmental, I had my reasons, and it honestly it worked. You don't know me, so why judge me? I'm willing to bet any assumption you've made about me and my background is probably wrong. He asked for an opinion and I gave mine. So, how about not being such dicks about it, seriously.


I am not judging you for shaving. I am judging you for being a jerk. Look at your last three posts. What's to like?


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## robdamanii (Feb 13, 2006)

jiznake said:


> Ok, egotistical jerk part II. There is no reason to be so judgmental, I had my reasons, and it honestly it worked. You don't know me, so why judge me? I'm willing to bet any assumption you've made about me and my background is probably wrong. He asked for an opinion and I gave mine. So, how about not being such dicks about it, seriously.



Hook, line and sinker. Thanks for playing, here's your prize:


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## qatarbhoy (Aug 17, 2009)

jiznake said:


> Whatever, beware of egotistical jerks. Like my post count says anything about me. I think you need a new some metrics for judging people.


Sense of humour FAIL.


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## Doo09 (Apr 28, 2012)

Good stuff


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## JapanDave (Mar 11, 2012)

jiznake said:


> Ok, egotistical jerk part II. There is no reason to be so judgmental, I had my reasons, and it honestly it worked. You don't know me, so why judge me? I'm willing to bet any assumption you've made about me and my background is probably wrong. He asked for an opinion and I gave mine. So, how about not being such dicks about it, seriously.


LOL, Don't be dicks about it! LOL


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## SystemShock (Jun 14, 2008)

JapanDave said:


> LOL, Don't be dicks about it! LOL


ROFLMAO_!_ 

That gets my famous SystemShock Seal of Approval™. 

.


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## gmhut (Apr 3, 2012)

Girly men shave their taint. 

Real men pluck it, one hair at a time.

Then, there's always duct tape—just stick it and rip it.


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## jiznake (Jan 24, 2012)

rider9 said:


> I am not judging you for shaving. I am judging you for being a jerk. Look at your last three posts. What's to like?



What is there to dislike so much either? I think I was being unfairly judged and I pointed that out. I would say I wasn't being a jerk at all.


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## jiznake (Jan 24, 2012)

qatarbhoy said:


> Sense of humour FAIL.


How about humor fail, even if it was in jest it still wasn't funny.


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## tihsepa (Nov 27, 2008)

SystemShock said:


> We're gonna need a few more details here. Any blood, crying, or screaming?
> .


No blood but alot of laughing and a little crying. It was funny as hell.


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## robdamanii (Feb 13, 2006)

jiznake said:


> What is there to dislike so much either? I think I was being unfairly judged and I pointed that out. I would say I wasn't being a jerk at all.


I'd say we fairly judged you. Your responses just confirmed our initial assessment.


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## jiznake (Jan 24, 2012)

robdamanii said:


> I'd say we fairly judged you. Your responses just confirmed our initial assessment.


Whatever man, see you in the next thread. Have a good evening.


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## jiznake (Jan 24, 2012)

On a side note, already got enough negative rep for these posts, please, agree or disagree, like me or hate me, no more. I would like to not get banned from one little spat. Hope you all agree.


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## qatarbhoy (Aug 17, 2009)

jiznake said:


> On a side note, already got enough negative rep for these posts, please, agree or disagree, like me or hate me, no more. I would like to not get banned from one little spat. Hope you all agree.


Red dots are so hot right now.

Take a deep breath, count to ten, relax, don't take things on the webs so personally, etc etc, then dive back in to another thread. Good luck.


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