# Hollywoodland Confidential ... 5/2 Ride Report



## DrRoebuck (May 10, 2004)

The city. Los Angeles. 12:45 p.m. The day started out like any other. Except instead of a bowl of Grape Nuts for breakfast I was stuck eating leftover Chinese food from two nights before. Fish, in some American-pleasing sweet-n-sour sauce you could only find in China if you went to a McDonald’s. I didn’t nuke the rice. Nuked rice tastes like stale rat droppings and I left my pooper-scooper outside.

But this was all ancient history. I had the Kung Pao about two hours ago and was now making my way through a Clif bar. That’s right. A Clif bar. I needed energy and this food-like piece of inedible doorstop was delivering. And then some.

The food was nothing special. Nothing I’d write home about; not even with _your_ pen. But like I said, ancient history. It was time to get to work. The job: an old lady in Los Feliz couldn’t open greeting cards on her old iMac. Sounded easy enough. But it’s the easy ones that’ll end your term on this rock faster than Ivan Basso can spell “D-N-A.” Still, I wasn’t too worried. They could try and pin it on me but it wouldn’t fly. The broad knew what she was getting into. She’d been tapping away on that translucent keyboard since the Clinton administration. Something was keeping her tied to that thing. I didn’t want to know and I wasn’t about to ask. All I wanted was a cool c-note for a job well done. And maybe a glass of water. With ice.

Stay tuned ...

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*The Valley.*
I stopped at the first of the little vistas along Mulholland and snapped the shot. Every one after that had a better view, but by then I'd lost my patience.












*Lake Hollywood.*
Yes, there’s a lake in Hollywood. More like a reservoir, though I seem to remember some recreational activities attached to it at one point.












*Lake Hollywood Drive.*
If there’s one thing I love about this city, it’s that you can be smack dab in the middle of it and think you’re in a different state.












*Van dam.*
I was one foot past the sign that said something along the lines of “No Cameras Beyond this Point.” I live life on the edge.












*Sign of the times.*
The end of Lake Hollywood Dr. The climbing at this point was a series of short, exceedingly steep hills. Easily 15-20% grades on a couple of them.

___________________________________________


Our story continues.

I took another bite of the paperweight and thought about the trip over to her house. God knows I had time to think: a single bite from a Clif bar can last hours. What was on the mind was how I would get there. I knew cars were for mama’s boys, especially in this town. That left me with one option. The Spanish Armada. The Orbea Onix. Silver, not orange. Plastic, not metal. More gears than an emergency room near a gerbil store.

But what about the route? I suppose I could have taken the city route through Beverly Hills and Hollywood. But that’s just what they would have expected me to do. No, I needed to change things up. Sepulveda to Mulholland. That’s right. Mulholland across the whole damn city. Then a quick hop over the Hollywood Freeway, up and around Lake Hollywood, a dive down Beachwood and into Los Feliz. I’d be coming in through the back door to one of the glitziest places in town. Like a dagger, right through the heart of Hollywoodland. 

___________________________________________










*Of course.*












*Hollywoodland.*
Coming down Beachwood Canyon, the heart of old-time Hollywoodland (back when it was a real-estate development).












*Above Los Feliz.*
The view from my client’s house.












*The Wright Stuff.*
The Ennis House, one of four textile-block houses in L.A. by Frank Lloyd Wright.












*Hazed and Confused.*
Another typical Southern California day.












*BUSted.*
I’ll be reporting this driver to the MTA in the morning. He cut me off twice, told me I didn’t belong on the street. The second time was actually pretty bad, and he saw that I had my camera out. I stopped right in front of him to snap a few off.












*Industry town.*
This was right in the middle of industrial Hollywood.

___________________________________________


This wasn’t so much a commute as a ride with a brief stop to help a dame in distress. And not for the faint of the heart. 3000 feet of climbing in the first 25 miles. Not a killer, but enough to leave your legs begging for mercy. With a wink. All I needed now was my Garmin GPS cycle computer. But that thing crashes more than George Hincapie and was on the fritz. It’s got more bugs than Americans’ phones. I’d run with the essentials, but the bells and whistles would have to play on mute.

I took the last bite from the mulch mound, then put _Gandhi_ in the betamax. I wondered which would come first: the end of the movie or the end of this last bite I took. Anyone worth their weight in Cytomax knows it was a smackdown.

___________________________________________


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## MB1 (Jan 27, 2004)

Post Noir!

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:


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## tarwheel2 (Jul 7, 2005)

Just the facts, ma'am ... or sir.


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## wooglin (Feb 22, 2002)

W00t!!


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## Hollywood (Jan 16, 2003)

nice! you're making me look bad over here! So many ideas.....so little time.. *sigh*


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## YuriB (Mar 24, 2005)

*hahahahah*



DrRoebuck said:


> The Orbea Onix. Silver, not orange. Plastic, not metal. More gears than an emergency room near a gerbil store.


destined to be a classic


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## Antonio_B (Dec 9, 2005)

Who the hell are you and why don't you post more ride reports?

A++


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## Brick Tamland (Mar 31, 2006)

Awesome post.


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## DrRoebuck (May 10, 2004)

Hollywood said:


> nice! you're making me look bad over here! So many ideas.....so little time.. *sigh*


Hmmm. You're at the Bike Coalition meeting, ostensibly making the region a better place for all cyclists. I take advantage of a wife's night out to post on RBR.

Yeah, maybe you should re-examine your priorities. :wink:


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## everydaybike (Feb 25, 2005)

More please... very nice indeed! :thumbsup:

Come visit over at the Lounge... think you'd find a few friends!

EDB


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## Mapei (Feb 3, 2004)

Strong post, my good Doctor. Strong legs, too.


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## JP (Feb 8, 2005)

That would be "most excellent". How about a chapter two?


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## DrRoebuck (May 10, 2004)

Mapei said:


> Strong post, my good Doctor. Strong legs, too.


Ah, too bad you weren't with the group of Japanese tourists gawking at the Hollywood sign. I was clamoring up one of those hills, one pedal stroke at a time. I'm sure they got a kick out of it.


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## Ridgetop (Mar 1, 2005)

Best commute post I've read in some time. 

*Holllyyywwoooood! Hoollllyyyywoooddd!*


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## zeytin (May 15, 2004)

Stunning thank you! love the "gear-gerbils" comment simply fantastic I concur it will become a classic. Actually you have a number of really nice one-liners in here.
Cheers,
Z


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## The Walrus (Apr 2, 2000)

Man, I wish they'd finish the work on the Ennis-Brown house--I missed out on the tours I was supposed to take, and then the restoration work began. At least it should be in truly spectacular shape when I do manage to get there. Always cool to see more pix of the great L.A. underbelly.


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## roadfix (Jun 20, 2006)

DrRoebuck said:


> Ah, too bad you weren't with the group of Japanese tourists gawking at the Hollywood sign. I was clammering up one of those hills, one pedal stroke at a time. I'm sure they got a kick out of it.


I usually like to tease Japanese student tourists at the Griffith Observatory. I even persuaded a couple of them to snap photos of me and my bike with _their_ cameras the other day. They did, while giggling... That was fun. 

So where's a photo of Madonna's ugly mansion? You were in the neighborhood....


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## Kram (Jan 28, 2004)

Best poast in a long time, period. 2:thumbsup: :thumbsup: WAY up!


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## DrRoebuck (May 10, 2004)

*Ha!*



roadfix said:


> So where's a photo of Madonna's ugly mansion? You were in the neighborhood....


Matter of fact, when I was up just past the lake, some people asked me if I knew where it was. I had no idea. I'm either proud or ashamed.


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## Chain (Dec 28, 2006)

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:


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## aliensporebomb (Jul 2, 2002)

Fantastic. Thanks.


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## Chris H (Jul 7, 2005)

Very nice. Top notch!


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