# Meanwhile...



## Utah CragHopper (May 9, 2003)

...at the other end of the peloton, the race for the Lanterne Rouge has hotted up. As usual when the race hits the first mountain, the pretenders to the throne quickly drop out of contention. Jonak Tombak and Sebastien Joly, the new French hope, rose out of the top spots. Joly almost rocketed out of contention, while Tombak hung tough and still maintains a top ten position.

Iker Flores, who had been in third place after the previous stage, made a major move. Coming in third for the day he surged into the lead. And bravo for David Zabriskie. He made a stunning attack off the back to gain 5:07 on Flores and now trails the leader by a mere 41 seconds.

It looks like an open race at this point. Some minor attacks are expected Sunday, but the real fireworks should start on Tuesday.


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## nwilkes (Jun 21, 2004)

Utah CragHopper said:


> ...at the other end of the peloton, the race for the Lanterne Rouge has hotted up. As usual when the race hits the first mountain, the pretenders to the throne quickly drop out of contention. Jonak Tombak and Sebastien Joly, the new French hope, rose out of the top spots. Joly almost rocketed out of contention, while Tombak hung tough and still maintains a top ten position.
> 
> Iker Flores, who had been in third place after the previous stage, made a major move. Coming in third for the day he surged into the lead. And bravo for David Zabriskie. He made a stunning attack off the back to gain 5:07 on Flores and now trails the leader by a mere 41 seconds.
> 
> It looks like an open race at this point. Some minor attacks are expected Sunday, but the real fireworks should start on Tuesday.


Zabriskie is showing incredibly poor sportsmanship in this competition. With his crash he has clearly handicapped himself, can't WADA do something about this. What's next, riders bleeding themselves with leeches before mountains stages to attack of the back?

Has a rider in the TDF ever gone from 1st to dead last without a DNF?


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## izibo (Jul 2, 2004)

nwilkes said:


> Zabriskie is showing incredibly poor sportsmanship in this competition. With his crash he has clearly handicapped himself, can't WADA do something about this. What's next, riders bleeding themselves with leeches before mountains stages to attack of the back?
> 
> Has a rider in the TDF ever gone from 1st to dead last without a DNF?


 Actually, I would argue the fact that he hasn't quit is showing fantastic sportsmanship. He is obviosuly hurting.


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## Utah CragHopper (May 9, 2003)

nwilkes said:


> Zabriskie is showing incredibly poor sportsmanship in this competition. With his crash he has clearly handicapped himself, can't WADA do something about this. What's next, riders bleeding themselves with leeches before mountains stages to attack of the back?


I think you are on to something here. We need random full body inspections to check for leech bites. And riders crashing themselves to improve their position is the equivalent of a low blow. On the plus side of crashing, it's often difficult to get it just right. Riders often take themselves completely out of the race instead of gaining the time. There are natural checks and balances.


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## obfg (Jul 18, 2004)

*I speak from some experience here.*

At last, a thread on which I can consider myself an expert.

Indeed, crashing (especially while racing) sufficiently seriously to cause injury, but without damaging oneself beyond rapid repair/recovery. I've never actually attempted the "controlled contusion calamity," but I have crashed numerous times. (And I mean NUMEROUS.) I have also seen multiple mishaps. (FACT: One of my riding partners was actually nicknamed "Crash." In the course of two weeks, he had totaled three cars and two bicycles.) It is not easy to crash and not get hurt. Let alone the professional's goal of actually getting hurt, but not too seriously.

I don't think the crashers get nearly enough credit. Sure, Tyler Hamilton is praised when he manages to crash (for the 143rd consecutive TdF), break a collar-bone, and still win a stage and finish in the top 10 (5?). But it is rare that the crashers get the attention they deserve. They are the cycling daredevils. They risk life, limb, and an enormous amount of skin, to provide thrills/chills to the viewing audience, and position themselves for the Lanterne Rouge. All too often, their efforts are met with nothing more than IV's and media silence. 

Is anyone here on a first name basis with Jean Marie? (Bit of a conundrum there, eh?) Perhaps a discreet word, whispered at the right time, and next year we could see the Maillot Bleue. (That is the French word for blood, isn't it? I don't speak French. But in every Musketeers book I read as a child the duelists were constantly shouting "Sacre bleue!) 




QUOTE=Utah CragHopper]I think you are on to something here. We need random full body inspections to check for leech bites. And riders crashing themselves to improve their position is the equivalent of a low blow. On the plus side of crashing, it's often difficult to get it just right. Riders often take themselves completely out of the race instead of gaining the time. There are natural checks and balances.[/QUOTE]


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## nwilkes (Jun 21, 2004)

obfg said:


> At last, a thread on which I can consider myself an expert.
> 
> Indeed, crashing (especially while racing) sufficiently seriously to cause injury, but without damaging oneself beyond rapid repair/recovery. I've never actually attempted the "controlled contusion calamity," but I have crashed numerous times. (And I mean NUMEROUS.) I have also seen multiple mishaps. (FACT: One of my riding partners was actually nicknamed "Crash." In the course of two weeks, he had totaled three cars and two bicycles.) It is not easy to crash and not get hurt. Let alone the professional's goal of actually getting hurt, but not too seriously.
> 
> ...


i nominate cadel evans for honorary status if he crashes one more time. i'm sure there is a statue of him at an orthopedic surgery center somewhere in the EU.


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## nwilkes (Jun 21, 2004)

izibo said:


> Actually, I would argue the fact that he hasn't quit is showing fantastic sportsmanship. He is obviosuly hurting.


ok i was being ironic. i love DZ, he did that stage faster than any of us could (~23mph) while pretty injured.


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## spookyload (Jan 30, 2004)

How was DZ not eliminated? He lost 51 minutes. Surely that can't be inside the time limit. As for who will finish last, he will have a tough time holding off Jan Kirsupu for that honor. He is having an aweful ride this year.


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## RodeRash (May 18, 2005)

*When I Was A Kid Racing . . .*

Back in 1964, to put a year on it. In America . . . 

My huge dream at 14 was to ride in Europe. I wasn't worried about being competitive. I just wanted to ride in the peloton. I'd give major bucks for a Lanterne Rouge and a ride in the broom wagon. 

Zabriskie got really hammered. I'm surprised he's riding at all. They sewed up his elbow.


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## Utah CragHopper (May 9, 2003)

*Stage 9*

The road to Mulhouse proved to be an exciting stage with the peloton being shredded into several groups. A small chase group led by Daniel Becke managed to make it the finish with nearly a five minute gap on the first chase group. This devestating attack moved Becke into fifth place overall The rest of the members of the break were no threat to the leader.

Iker Flores still maintains his lead, now extended to over eight minutes. Yesterday's second place, David Zabriskie, appears to have overcooked it during the first half of the Tour and was forced to drop out. Former leader Janek Tombak managed to hang with the second chase group, thus fighting his way back from sixth to third place overall.

The day also saw the retirement of one of the race hopefuls. Climbing specialist Jaan Kursipuu decided to pack it in right before Tuesday's stage where observers were expecting him to gain at least a half an hour in a series of blistering decellerations.


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## Einstruzende (Jun 1, 2004)

Utah CragHopper said:


> The road to Mulhouse proved to be an exciting stage with the peloton being shredded into several groups. A small chase group led by Daniel Becke managed to make it the finish with nearly a five minute gap on the first chase group. This devestating attack moved Becke into fifth place overall The rest of the members of the break were no threat to the leader.
> 
> Iker Flores still maintains his lead, now extended to over eight minutes. Yesterday's second place, David Zabriskie, appears to have overcooked it during the first half of the Tour and was forced to drop out. Former leader Janek Tombak managed to hang with the second chase group, thus fighting his way back from sixth to third place overall.
> 
> The day also saw the retirement of one of the race hopefuls. Climbing specialist Jaan Kursipuu decided to pack it in right before Tuesday's stage where observers were expecting him to gain at least a half an hour in a series of blistering decellerations.


Your commentary is f'in hilarious. You should be on OLN


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## Utah CragHopper (May 9, 2003)

*First Rest Day*

Today was a rest day for the peloton, but for Iker Flores,
leader of the Laterne Rouge competition, it was anything
but. He explained, "The other riders are lucky. They go 
for a short spin to keep the legs loose then put on big 
sunglasses and spend the balance of the day hitting
on french hotties. But for those of us chasing the red
jersey we have a harder road to ride. We have to make
sure we don't recover too much."

Flores then went on to detail his training schedule for
the day. He had intended to do five hours in a big gear,
sprinting at all the sign posts and not eating anything
on bike. A sudden change in plans was inacted when
rumors surfaced that Jean-Patrick Nazon, currently lying
in second and the highest placed frenchman, had spent
Sunday evening dancing most of the night away at a local
disco. He reportedly left the establishment with two
women.

The Euskatel-Euskadi director sportif was quick to increase
Flores' training schedule to seven hours. A secret weapon
was also brought out in the form of English cuisine. "Normally,
we wait until the last week for the pickled food," the
Euskatel DS said, "but this was an emergency."

When Nozon was reached for comment about his companionship
of the previous evening, he would neither confirm nor deny
the reports. He did assert, "I intend to uphold the honor
of France and am willing to make any sacrifice."

Tomorrow the high mountains rise up on the course. Perhaps
the melodrama of the past few hours will be meaningless as the
the real contenders come to the fore. One thing can be certain
though, the climbing specialists, after adding weight to their
bikes, are spending the night dreaming of crossing the line
at Coucheval in last place.


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## hrv (Dec 9, 2001)

Einstruzende said:


> Your commentary is f'in hilarious. You should be on OLN


I agree , and it gives me more impetus to bug our local racing honchos to institute a Lanterne Rouge prize. I would be guaranteed a podium position!


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## FatTireFred (Jan 31, 2005)

Utah CragHopper said:


> ...at the other end of the peloton, the race for the Lanterne Rouge has hotted up. As usual when the race hits the first mountain, the pretenders to the throne quickly drop out of contention. Jonak Tombak and Sebastien Joly, the new French hope, rose out of the top spots. Joly almost rocketed out of contention, while Tombak hung tough and still maintains a top ten position.
> 
> Iker Flores, who had been in third place after the previous stage, made a major move. Coming in third for the day he surged into the lead. And bravo for David Zabriskie. He made a stunning attack off the back to gain 5:07 on Flores and now trails the leader by a mere 41 seconds.
> 
> It looks like an open race at this point. Some minor attacks are expected Sunday, but the real fireworks should start on Tuesday.



An American just won the Lantern Rouge (black jersey) prize at the women's Giro d'Italia.


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## StormShadow (Feb 27, 2005)

Look at the highest placed American, Guido Trenti, coasting along 30 minutes back. Riding for the power climbing QuickStep team, these next few days might be his time to shine.


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## Utah CragHopper (May 9, 2003)

*Stage 10*

Stage 10

It's official: Lanterne Rouge fever has swept France. With
Jean-Patrick Nazon challenging for the overall victory, the
french are overjoyed. Everywhere you go frenchmen on bikes
are staggering up hills and being passed by foreigners laden
with paniers.

The mania has created quite a problem for race organizers.
Rider complaints have been pouring in about race interference
by the so-called Nazon hooligans. A typical complaint was made
by Frederic Bessy, currently in fifth place, who detailed an
assault. "I had just expended nearly the last of my energy and
was preparing to shift down and gain time the false flat when
three large goons dressed in the French Tricolore jumped off
the side of the road. I tried to tell them I was also french;
but before I could make them understand, they had already
pushed me at least forty meters up the slope."

Despite the complaints the stage to Courcheval went off
relatively okay. It did not produce the fireworks some had
expected. Karsten Kroon of the Netherlands, a country known
for producing great climbers, led a pack of fifty riders across
the finish. Nazon was right on his wheel and finished second.
The current leader, Iker Flores, finished safely in the pack.
He continues to hold his lead of 8:34.

The top three positions remained the same. The aforementioned
Bessy dropped from fourth to fifth place, possibly sped up by
his encounter with the hooligans.

As a side note, the wrong end of the peloton saw some action of
its own. Lance Armstrong took over the yellow jersey of shame.
Few analysts were surprised as his team is, perhaps, the weakest
in the race.


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## Ignatz (Sep 9, 2004)

*Dark horse*

I'm still holding out hope for Daniel Becke. This plucky young German put on quite a show in Stage 4, gaining 5'44" and 106 (!!) places on his rivals. My only concern at this point is that he appears to have settled into a steady state and is relying on his rivals to withdraw themselves from contention, thereby allowing him to move closer to the precious Lanterne Rouge. But who's to say? With three more high mountain stages this strategy just might prove workable for the Deutschlander, especially if his teammate Valverde can continue to set a pace like today's, virtually guaranteeing that some more pretenders to the throne will withdraw.

(As an aside; this post really should be a sticky. You're just killing me with the "analysis."  )


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## Utah CragHopper (May 9, 2003)

*Stage 11*

The Euskatel-Euskadi team continued its amazing Tour with victory for
the stage being taken by Unai Etxebarria. It was a close finish and
the win looked to be assured for Vladimir Karpets, but his inexperience
with riding at the back end of a race led to his downfall. Karpets
explained afterward, "I really thought I had it until the guys beside me
suddenly hit their brakes. Before I could react I had already rolled
over the line." The flustered Karpets finished the stage in fourth.

Etxebarria's teammate and current leader Iker Flores had an off day. He
fell off the front of the main pack, which numbered some sixty men, and 
finished more than eight minutes down. Even so, due to the unexpected 
retirement of Jean-Patrick Nazon, Flores extended his lead on second by 
an additional two minutes. The tough Estonian scrapper Janek Tombak 
surged into second, gaining ten minutes on Flores. He now sits within 
striking distance of red. Daniel Becke, a stage winner and revelation of this
Tour, rounds out the top three. 

The abandonment of Nazon dealt a crushing blow to French hopes. Frederic
Bessy also tumbled up the standings from fifth to twentieth, leaving France
without a top ten placing. Nazon was nearly in tears as he met with the press.
He lashed out with vague allegations of cheating. "I watched the racers of the
front group carefully. Not one drank from his seat tube bottle. It's certainly a
scandal." Nazon would not be more specific but was apparently alluding to
a possible replay of the infamous lead shot affair of the '93 Tour.

The management of Nazon's Ag2r team would not comment on his claims, but 
a team spokesman did call for better policing of the UCI's 12 kilogram maximum 
bike weight rule.


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## Ignatz (Sep 9, 2004)

*Becke!!*

Becke's strategy of relying on others to withdraw from contention seems to be working for him. With Nazon withdrawing the Becke-meister has moved comfortably into the third position. It remains to be seen what the remaining mountain stages will bring.

On another note, I think mention needs to made of Thomas Voeckler and his efforts this year. While he's not a legitimate contender he's certainly putting on a much better showing than last year when he spent so much time wearing that gaudy yellow shirt.


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## obfg (Jul 18, 2004)

*Don't. Stop. Don't. Stop. Don't Stop, don't stop*

These little scenarios are really enhancing this years tour. Please keep up the good work.


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## Alpedhuez55 (Jun 29, 2005)

*Jalabert*

So what if Laurent Jalabert has worn Yellow and won both the Green and Polkadot Jerseys.

His little brother made up 34 minutes and is now within 9 minutes of the Lanterne Rouge. It will be the crowning aceivment for the Jalabert Family. Is there any other family that can have a such a collection in their trophy case? 

This is a record that could rival the Immortal Baseball career of the legendary Tommie Aaron and his brother, I think his name was Hank or Henry or something


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## Utah CragHopper (May 9, 2003)

*Stage 12*

Scandal enveloped the Tour de France today as french authorities
staged an early morning raid on the the hotels of several teams.
Boxes of seized material were hauled away by the gendarmes. At
least four teams were searched, including Ag2r, Illes Ballears,
Fassa Bortolo, and Euskatel-Euskadi.

Sources close to the investigation confirmed that among the
items taken were several types of Finnish food, giving weight to
warnings issued by WADA months ago. Our reporters have been
unable to obtain any samples as it appears that no one has ever
seen a finnish restaurant outside of Finland. Even in Finland
itself half the native eateries have been converted to take-out
chinese or curry joints. Last month the largest chain of restaurants
in the country announced it was converting to Olive Gardens.
Culinary critics were unable to agree on whether this would be
an improvement. WADA researchers assured us that the food in
question could knock a scotsman under the dinner table.

Responding to leaks that half a box of dried polar bear tongues,
a common finnish snack, had been found in his hotel room, Iker
Flores denied the performance detracting food was his. "They
may have been found in the room assigned to me, but I did not
use that room. Everyone knows I always switch with other team
members to get the room closest to the hotel entrance to make it
easier for fans to bother me."

Race observers speculated that the contraband may have belonged
to Flores' teammate Iban Mayo. If true it would explain a lot.

Despite the scandal, the french saw triumph on Bastille Day. The
stage was taken by frenchman Nicolas Jalabert, who made a heroic
one man break and finished nearly eighteen minutes behind a small
chase group. He displaced the second place Janek Tombak and is
only 9:19 ahead of the leader, Iker Flores. French fans are hoping
that today marks the start of a come from in front victory for
Jalabert.

Servais Knaven managed to power behind several contenders during
the stage and now occupies fourth place behind Janek Tombak.


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## glenzx (Aug 2, 2004)

Utah CragHopper said:


> Scandal enveloped the Tour de France today as french authorities
> staged an early morning raid on the the hotels of several teams.
> Boxes of seized material were hauled away by the gendarmes....
> Responding to leaks that half a box of dried polar bear tongues,
> ...


must.....stop.....reading this at work...... BBBWWWAAAAHHHHHHHHH HHHAAAAA!!!!

Holy crap - this thread has to be the best part of the '05 TdF!


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## Utah CragHopper (May 9, 2003)

*Stage 13*

It was an action packed stage at the Tour de France
today. Seeking glory for Australia, Bradley McGee
made an early break, stretching his deficit at one point
to nearly ten minutes. Iker Flores' Euskatel-Euskadi
squad then went to the back of the peloton and slowed
the pace. Flores himself did most of the hard work.

By the fifty kilometer mark, the gap was down to four
minutes. Johann Vansummeran and Wim Vansevenant 
of Davitamon-Lotto then attacked off the back and used a 
complicated series of weaving techniques to pass 
McGee and eventually take the victory.

The two belgians eventually crossed the line with 11:09
on the main pack. Vansevenant took last place, and McGee
managed to hold the peloton off to finish third. Nicolas
Portal won the group sprint for the hard charging french
contigent of the main pack.

Iker Flores retained his lead while Vansummeran and
Vansevenent were rewarded for their efforts by moving
down into second and third positions, respectively.
It was a good day for nearly everyone, except the
americans, of course.

While countries such as France are enjoying a cycling
renaissance, the United States has seen its fortunes
decline. Former professional Frankie Andreau cannot
explain what has happened to the american face of the
sport. "In the mid-nineties I thought the Lemond bad
years were behind us. Things were looking up. Then
the wheels just came off the cart."

With an american wearing the humiliating yellow jersey
once again in this year's Tour, many americans have
expressed bitterness. Joe Bob [Last name and several
middle names withheld.], a fan from Texas, told us, "It
is embarrassing to even go out training, what with all
the hooting and catcalls from passing pick-up trucks. I
had to stop commuting to work by bike when coworkers
started calling me 'Old Yeller' behind my back. Last
week the two hundred and fifty pound guy in the cubicle
next to mine claimed I would probably beat him up a hill,
and he doesn't even train. My wife and I have seriously
considered moving to England. If only the beer there
were more watery."

Ironicly, the U.S. is home to one of the finest periodicals
of the sport, Bicycling Magazine. Editor Zonk Gonzalez
urged readers to not concentrate on the Tour de France and
to take a broader view that encompasses the entire season.
"Looking at the whole calendar," he said, "things still
look pretty bad, but at least we're not Italian."


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## Ignatz (Sep 9, 2004)

*Don't count Becke out*

Sure the Van's (VANSEVENANT Wim, VAN SUMMEREN Johan) put in impressive performances today but you've really got to look at the big picture here. In the first set of mountain stages (9-11) Becke gained exactly 20 minutes on Flores and his time was 11 minutes better than the Van's. Clearly the mountains are where Becke shines and he'll have plenty of opportunity to make up time on the rest of the field when they start climbing again tomorrow. He's only 13'19" out of the lead right now. If he hits the Pyrenees like he hit the Alps he'll be a serious threat for the podium in Paris. 
I found a photo of some of the training Becke and the rest of Illes-Balears put themselves through over the winter, "It's cold out; once around the hotel parking lot and then let's hit the hot tub boys!"


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## torquecal (Nov 9, 2002)

Utah - you're hillarious man!!!! great writing, keep it up


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## Utah CragHopper (May 9, 2003)

*Stage 14*

It was a mixed day for the french. Frederic Bessy dropped off
the back of the main pack a kilometer from the finish and
continued to slow all the way to the line. He took the victory
and gained a minute. Nicolas Jalabert had a good day and
gained six minutes, causing him to rise from fourth overall to
tenth.

Iker Flores showed the same cautious riding that won him the
Lanterne Rouge in 2002. He crossed the line at the back of
pack, ready to take advantage of any crashes ahead of him.

The doping scandal refused to die down when french newspaper
L'Equipe revealed a long standing association between Daniel
Becke and the notorious Dr. Yugo. Rumors have swirled around
the serbian physician for more than a decade, and he is slated 
to stand trial early next year in Italy for trafficking in bad chicken 
salad during the 2001 Giro d'Italia. If the trial goes forward as 
scheduled, the world stands ready to applaud a new speed record 
in italian justice.

Daniel Becke, dubbed 'The Slug' in his home country of Spain,
started his career as a time trial specialist. Over the years
he has fashioned himself into a general rider, a man capable
of losing time on any terrain. Many in Spain have come to
believe he may be the new Jaan Kursipuu. The Dr, Yugo allegations
could not have come at a worse time for Becke. He is reputedly
negotiating a very lucrative endorsement deal with McDonald's,
the food of choice among the recent cycling greats.


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## Utah CragHopper (May 9, 2003)

*Stage 15*

The queen stage of the Tour failed to live up to its billing.
Nearly all the bottom men came in with a compact group. Only
Johan Vansummeren was caught out after accidently missing a
nature break and gaining six minutes.

Rafael Nuritdinov and Magnus Backstedt took advantage of the
peloton's fast pace and made a long break. They held out to end
with Nutritdinov outfoxing the swede to take the win. It was
a crushing defeat for Backstedt and would surely have lifted
his spirits after a disasterous Paris-Roubaix of last year.

The hard charging pack was led by Iker Flores' teammate Inaki
Isasi. The Euskatel-Euskadi boys appear to have the race under
their control and the fans do not seem to be surprised. The
Euskatel team has spent as little money as possible to build
an awe inspiring team around Flores.

Iker Flores, known to his rabid fans as 'Biker' Flores, burst
into the bottom ranks with his 2002 Lanterne Rouge win. Among
the poor and the common man, he rapidly became a spanish folk
hero. The humble Flores thanked his many supporters, who often
line the roads of the Pyrenees mountains dressed in vibrant
orange garb.

"I give it all for my fans," he said. "They travel from all
over Spain. I see them on the side of the road, shouting words
of discouragement. Some of the more dedicated break empty beer
bottles in front of me, hoping I will puncture and gain thirty
seconds."

The grateful Flores continued, "There are always those days when
you feel too good. You find it hard to keep your speed down,
but the sight of the fans make it easier to gut it out and stay
on the tarmac an extra five minutes. They are what make it all
worth it."


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## lonefrontranger (Feb 5, 2004)

*dammit, WHY is this not a sticky thread?*



Utah CragHopper said:


> The queen stage of the Tour failed to live up to its billing.
> Nearly all the bottom men came in with a compact group.


yeah, I'll say - especially with a 6'3" 180-lb SPRINTER (hello?) and former black jersey contender providing an embarrassment to the title 'sprinter' and finishing utterly at the wrong end of the damned thing. Feh, some 'queen stage', they must not have made it hard enough.

UCH, please keep going, this is some seriously funny shiat. 

Francois, do yer moderatorly duty, sir and sticky this thing; I'm sick of having to hunt through Lance-and-Jan bashing fistfights and 'Hincapie-punk'd the mountain goat' (who, come on, quite honestly doesn't deserve the title of climber OR the f'n stage win if he can't drop a Costco-sized side of beef like GH on an hors categorie summit, helLO geniuses) arguments to locate it.


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## Utah CragHopper (May 9, 2003)

*Second Rest Day*

Today was the second rest day at the Tour de France. Most of
contenders took the day hard. For the team mechanics it was
a day to catch up on their work. Cofidas' team wrench proudly
showed us Jonak Tombak's bike.

Like many top racers Tombak eschews most modern technology. His
steed was carefully put together from parts scavanged from garage
sales, second hand stores, and pawn shops. The finished bike is
a nearly complete 1975 Schwinn Caliente still with original low
performance rubber. The team's mechanic patted the bike and
explained, "This is a marvel of american engineering. It's built
like a brick outhouse. Nearly everything is made from steel, the
frame, the rims, the bars, the stem. Everything. As much as the
two wheels can support."

The only nod toward current cycling components were the brakes.
The mechanic told us the original calipers were not strong enough
for professional use, so he retrofitted the bike with a new set of
Shimano Dura Deuce brakes. They sport a quick engagement lever
to drag a pad if the rider is having a good day.

He lamented the death of the Schwinn company. "Their problem was
that they made things too well. A typical company would make the
initial sale and then rely upon sales of new parts when the originals 
wore out, but who ever heard of Schwinn tires wearing out. The business 
model just wasn't sustainable."

In contrast the Ag2r team uses the best the american bike industry
has to offer. At the beginning of each year the team travels to
the U.S. and puchases their bicycles from the most celebrated dealer
in the country, Walmart. Ag2r member Simon Gerrans told us the
bikes were not the badly oiled machines that many other teams use;
but with all the random mechanicals and parts falling off, things
usually come out about even.


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## Utah CragHopper (May 9, 2003)

*Stage 16*

The Tour wound its way out of the mountains and the contenders
appeared to take the day off. The field sprint was won by Lazlo
Bodrogi, who narrowly beat Bradley McGee in a photo finish. It
was an unexpected performance for the australian McGee, a man
some had chosen to finish in Paris at the front of the peloton
overall but has instead steadily worked his way down the standings
as the Tour has progressed.

The current crop of aussies are a recent addition to cycling, and
McGee's former coach on the australian national team is pleased
with his countrymen's improvement in the sport.

"Crikey, the aussies cannot just expect to start winning. They
need time to work their way down from the top to the bottom, crikey.
Sure McEwen and O'Grady are often the first across the line, but,
crikey, things are getting better. Rogers and McGee have outdone
themselves. Give us a few more years, crikey, and I am sure we'll
see an australian winner. And another thing: Crikey!", he said.

The coach then went on to explain that most of the australains were
former riders on the track. He felt that this would eventually give
them a large advantage since most of them are experts at track
standing.

The interview with the coach ended abruptly when he spotted a small,
helpless animal minding its own business and began chasing it.

[Editor's note: Research is unable to find a definition for "crikey."]


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## Alpedhuez55 (Jun 29, 2005)

Utah CragHopper said:


> In contrast the Ag2r team uses the best the american bike industry has to offer. At the beginning of each year the team travels to
> the U.S. and puchases their bicycles from the most celebrated dealer
> in the country, Walmart. Ag2r member Simon Gerrans told us the
> bikes were not the badly oiled machines that many other teams use;
> ...


OK UGH, I love your posts. But I have to take issue with this post. 

My name is Michael, and I am a former Cycling Sport Manager for Decathlon Sports in the US. For a year and a half I sold, assembled and repaired hundreds of Decathlon Cycles. THey make the team bikes for Ag2r this year in addition to the bikes for Cofidis last year. Your claim that Ag2r goes to Walmart to seek out the slowest bikes is inaccurate and slanderous.

Decathlon is one of the true industry leaders in slow bike technology. THey are able to take the lightest state of the art aluminium tubing and top line groupos from Campy and Shimano and build a bike that wieghs in in close to 30 pounds thanks to their Decathlon Penta Racing Components. 










Decathlon Penta Racing Components (DPR for short) includes cranksets, brakesets, saddles, bars, seatposts stems and cranksets manufactured by Decathlon that are the cutting edge in losing technology. The help assure poor fit and discomfort on the bike while at the same time adding excess weight, allowing there riders to attack off the back with blistering decelerations on even the easiest of climbs.

This technology in not just for Ag2r either. THey take what they learn from their partnership with Ag2r to develop slow bikes for everyone. You can go into any of their Sports Megastores and find some of the finest examples of slow bike technology. There is the B-Twin, a hybrid that uses cleverly shaped Sewer pipes to create one of the heaviest frames on the market. There is the adjustable seatpost that comes standard on the Vitamin, which will slip under weight of even the lightest rider. And their wheel technology is second to all. I have taken a bike out of the box and not needed to use a spoke wrench since all of the spokes were able to be tightened using just your fingers.

So you if you are seeking the slowest bikes on the market, forget Walmart, Kmart or Target. Decathlon is the only way to Slow!!!  




OK, in all seriousness, Decathlon bikes are not that bad. The high end bikes are very good. I actually got to ride the bike Jan Kirsipu used to win a stage of the 2002 Tour. It was a lightweight, stiff and responsive ride that I am sure was great for a sprinter. They offer good values in the mid level mountain and road bikes. They do try to save money by using cheap heavy stems, seatposts and crank built for them. Most of the bikes weigh a pound or two more than they probably could. THe cheap bikes are mostly crap, but what do you expect for under $150. You are getting a Huffy caliber bike with a 2 year warranty.


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## Ignatz (Sep 9, 2004)

*Becke - close but no cigar*

Becke sure seemed determined to make a podium spot with his performance in Stage 20. Even the soon-to-be-legendary Iker Flores couldn't match Becke's time trial. I really thought my boy had a shot at the podium. One good slip on the wet streets today and they would be celebrating in Germany tonight.

Seriously though; Mr. CragHopper, you crack me up. Marvelous job writing this up. When I started reading this thread I just thought it was fun but the more I thought about the boys off the back the more I wanted to follow their results. These poor guys get up every morning knowing that they're going to get their legs ripped off and they keep going out and trying. They're not dating rock stars or showing up on magazine covers. I'd imagine they spend most of the race praying the French TV crews DON'T show them struggling to get over the line before the cutoff and wondering if their team is going to pick up their contract for next year. These guys remind me of me; they show up at the race knowing they don't have a snowball's chance in H-E- double hockey sticks of even coming close to the podium but they're out there giving it their best shot anyways. Let's hear it for the boys off the back!!!


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