# Stalker Stories



## il sogno (Jul 15, 2002)

Anybody have stalker stories? The thread in the Lounge got me thinking about my own stalker story. This happened back when I was in college working my way through school. 

One night I was working the late shift at work and got off at 9:00. I got in my car and pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive home. Someone pulled out after me and it didn't take me long to realize I was being followed. I took a couple of extra turns to be sure and yeah, that car kept tailing me. 

I thought about pulling into a police station but in the heat of the moment I couldn't think of where one was. On the other hand I was sharing a house with a couple of guys at the time. I decided to go home figuring my roommates would be there. 

I pulled into the driveway and was relieved to see their cars. I jumped out of my car and ran to the door, calling my roommate's name. He came to the door just as my stalker parked his car and got out. 

I ran to my roommate and yelled, "that guy followed me home from work!" My roommate asked the guy "what's up?". Turned out the guy wanted to ask me out. 

I already had a boyfriend and was NOT interested.


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## Kawboy8 (Feb 26, 2006)

il sogno said:


> Anybody have stalker stories? The thread in the Lounge got me thinking about my own stalker story. This happened back when I was in college working my way through school.
> 
> One night I was working the late shift at work and got off at 9:00. I got in my car and pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive home. Someone pulled out after me and it didn't take me long to realize I was being followed. I took a couple of extra turns to be sure and yeah, that car kept tailing me.
> 
> ...



I'm really sorry about that. :blush2:


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## indysteel (Jul 21, 2006)

At the risk of describing incidents that don't fit the legal definition of stalking, here are a few:

The first was in law school in 1993. I mistakingly sent an email intended for a friend to a graduate student who was nice enough to inform me of my mistake. He then sent me a few innocuous emails over the course of the next couple of weeks that I didn't think anything about. Then, he sent me an email saying that he had a secret to tell me. To be honest, I read the email after a football game and was a little drunk. With judgment impaired, I asked him what the secret was and he went on to describe certain of his sexual interests--interests that were pretty perverse to my Catholic schoolgirl sensibilities. At that, I politely ended the email exchange and went home. 

By the time I walked in the door, my phone was ringing. And it was him. Apparently, he'd looked me up in the phone book based on my email address. Again, with judgment impaired, I asked him a few questions simply out of abject curiosity. It was like a trainwreck that I couldn't turn away from. What he described was rather disturbing and I ended the conversation, asking him not to contact me again. He called me repeatedly, however, over the next few weeks. Finally, my BF at the time told him that he would report him to the university if he didn't stop. Thankfully, he did. 

Here's another: I park in a guarded government lot. One of the private security guards there had approached a coworker in such way one day that she reported it. About a week later, this same guard helped me when I locked my keys in my car one night. The encounter was memorable in that he showed me a picture of himself at his senior prom that he had in his wallet for some inexplicable reason (he was well beyond high school age).

Several days later, I spotted him sitting in his car one morning near where I park in the lot. I thought it was odd in that he worked afternoons and was dressed in "street" clothes and not his uniform. The next day, he left a long letter on my windshield. It wasn't sexual per se, but he described how he had superpowers (he called himself Superman) and that he liked to help "damsels in distress." He was a retired Marine and signed off in the letter with "Semper Fi." I reported the situation and, after an investigation, he was reassigned. Not fired, just reassigned.

Finally, one of the guards in my building (a courthouse mind you) started calling me out of the blue on my workline "to chat." While we'd always been friendly with one another, it was completely unheard of for guards to contact us like that. His wife worked in the building too, and I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. However, after the second call, I told him that he was making me uncomfortable. He insisted that his intentions were innocent, but he respected my request. I never reported the matter, more or less out of consideration for his wife. I regret that in that he ended up getting fired sometime later, allegedly for inappropriate advances toward a person on our cleaning crew--a mentally challenged woman from Goodwill Industries. 

It's unfortunate that the guards where I work have often been more threatening than the people they're supposed to be guarding against. There have been additonal incidents with them over the years that have left me rather jaded and confused. When I did complain, I had to deal with their hostility. When I didn't, I had to deal with inappropriate comments that were often beyond the pale. At the time, we had to basically get frisked by them everytime we entered the building and it often felt like I was running a gauntlet. Thankfully, they've cleaned up their act a lot in the last couple of years, but it took some serious effort. No matter how justified my outrage, I couldn't escape feeling like I was doing something to invite their advances--because that was the mentality that I was often faced with.


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## karategirl (Aug 27, 2006)

This isn't really a happy thread, is it?

I had a stalker about 10 years ago. His name was Eric, and he was a busboy at the restaurant I was working at at the time. I admit I did flirt with him at first (I am married, but I've always been somewhat of a flirt). Anyway, I can't really remember how it started, except that he started writing me these long typewritten letters, describing his feelings for me, how I wasn't in a happy marriage, clearly we were meant to be together, etc. etc. I told him I didn't really appreciate the letter. So he wrote me another one. My husband still has these letters somewhere in a file called "Letters from Eric the weirdo." I think altogether he wrote me three letters. Then one morning we woke up and he had left me roses on my car, In my driveway!!! (I had never told him my address. Not that I'm in the witness protection program or anything--I mean, I'm sure it was easy to find, but still...). 
Then he heard I was quitting work, so he got my two books as a going away present--The Phantom of the Opera, and a book of poetry. I think he got me a tape for my birthday, too, cause I remember complaining about him to a friend and mentioning that "Well, for a stalker, he does leave nice gifts". 

I was a little disturbed, but actually he promised to stop when I was leaving, and I said I believed him, because I did. I never really felt threatened (I told the women I work with I thought I could take him in a fight), but he was a little creepy. About a year later I saw his car at the gun and knife show at a venue near the restaurant. I'm sure he's gone on to stalk other women. He just has that in him.


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## il sogno (Jul 15, 2002)

indysteel said:


> At the risk of describing incidents that don't fit the legal definition of stalking, here are a few:


As I see it, it's the stalk-ee who gets to define the stalk-er.


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## MikeBiker (Mar 9, 2003)

I've never stalked anyone, but if you know of someone that needs to be stalked I'm willing to learn. Do I have to act real creepy? When does showing interest in a person move into the stalking stage? 

How come only women get stalked? I've never heard of a man being stalked in real life. Don't women know how?


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## Sashana (Dec 19, 2007)

MikeBiker said:


> I've never stalked anyone, but if you know of someone that needs to be stalked I'm willing to learn. Do I have to act real creepy? When does showing interest in a person move into the stalking stage?
> 
> How come only women get stalked? I've never heard of a man being stalked in real life. Don't women know how?


Oh, yeah, David Letterman had one. She kept breaking into or trying to break into his house. She ended up in jail.

Sashana


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## karategirl (Aug 27, 2006)

I don't have statistics, but I'm pretty sure men get stalked, too. Hasn't anyone you know ever had a crazy ex-girlfriend?


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## Touch0Gray (May 29, 2003)

karategirl said:


> I don't have statistics, but I'm pretty sure men get stalked, too. Hasn't anyone you know ever had a crazy ex-girlfriend?




yes, it does happen.....and yes to the crazy girlfriend....

wonder what she is doing now, 35 years later? She was scary......................


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## JayTee (Feb 3, 2004)

I read this book called "I Know You Really Love Me" that was all stories of therapists/psychiatrists who wind up getting stalked by patients, as I recall. Fascinatingly creepy.

For me, I always found the idea of running into my therapist anywhere outside his/her office to be completely "run the other way" distressing, which I guess makes me the anti-stalker.


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## cpark (Oct 13, 2004)

il sogno said:


> Anybody have stalker stories? The thread in the Lounge got me thinking about my own stalker story. This happened back when I was in college working my way through school.
> 
> One night I was working the late shift at work and got off at 9:00. I got in my car and pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive home. Someone pulled out after me and it didn't take me long to realize I was being followed. I took a couple of extra turns to be sure and yeah, that car kept tailing me.
> 
> ...


That guy was pretty creepy.....there is definitely better way to ask a girl out.


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## il sogno (Jul 15, 2002)

cpark said:


> That guy was pretty creepy.....there is definitely better way to ask a girl out.


Yeah. 

I'd like to add that to my roommate's credit, though he was in his early twenties and a college student at the time, he was gentlemanly enough to go and talk to the guy so I wouldn't have to. 

Afterwards he seemed pretty struck by the idea that a girl would have to look out for this sort of stuff while as a guy he prolly never thought about it.


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## 53T (Jul 20, 2002)

*Clash*



indysteel said:


> It's unfortunate that the guards where I work have often been more threatening than the people they're supposed to be guarding against.


Sad, isn't it? Whenever economic classes meet, there is friction. Guards are amoung the lowest paid and lowest trained service providers that we have in the US. Attorneys are amoung the highest, outside of the entertainment industry. An attny. making 150K a year has the guard beat by a factor of six. 

Not that being poor makes you crazy, but being crazy sure can make you poor.


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## indysteel (Jul 21, 2006)

The guards where I work are actually fairly well paid--most people in the federal system are (thanks taxpayers). Most are retired military and/or police officers. I don't want to insult anyone in either of those professions, but I think that, more than their salaries, explains their behavior. I think many of them worked the bulk of their careers in places where boorish behavior was either tolerated or encouraged. In any event, they've been guilty of harassing other women, not all of whom are on the upper end of the pay scale. 

And I would note that my problems with the guards were isolated to a handful of men, all but one of whom no longer work here. It took a supervisor who wasn't afraid to put his foot down and who was, himself, a gentleman to clean up the place. The remaining guards are above reproach.


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## CleavesF (Dec 31, 2007)

karategirl said:


> I don't have statistics, but I'm pretty sure men get stalked, too.


Sorry to hijack ladies, but I couldn't not click reading the title. 

I got stalked several times,all by total strangers, but the worst part is that it's usually gay men. Which you know, sucks for me since I'm not exactly their type. 

I understand the crazy moments you guys have, since I'm not exactly a very big person (5'8") but at least they think I'm cute... :aureola: I think of the positives but it's really creepy, I've had to call the police several 3 times on 3 different people who wouldn't quit.


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## Albino (Mar 24, 2007)

I never guessed I would inspire a completely new thread.


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## barbedwire (Dec 3, 2005)

This is a pretty interesting thread. It seems in today's society, it has become almost popular to be stalked. People tell funny stories of when they were stalked, but for the people out there that have truly been stalked. It is a frightening experience. And in actuality, stalking progresses into many frightening experiences

What I've read in this thread doesn't really strike me as stalking, just some forlorn guys that didn't know how to approach a girl. And now, we've got people saving so-called "stalker" letters in file cabinets. Let's not confuse interest from would-be nerdy guys as stalking.


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## karatemom (Mar 21, 2008)

barbedwire said:


> This is a pretty interesting thread. It seems in today's society, it has become almost popular to be stalked. People tell funny stories of when they were stalked, but for the people out there that have truly been stalked. It is a frightening experience. And in actuality, stalking progresses into many frightening experiences
> 
> What I've read in this thread doesn't really strike me as stalking, just some forlorn guys that didn't know how to approach a girl. And now, we've got people saving so-called "stalker" letters in file cabinets. Let's not confuse interest from would-be nerdy guys as stalking.



You know, minimizing other people's experiences is not going to make you any friends.


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## Touch0Gray (May 29, 2003)

karatemom said:


> You know, minimizing other people's experiences is not going to make you any friends.


Nor is "minimizing" others opinions on post numero 6


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## il sogno (Jul 15, 2002)

Touch0Gray said:


> Nor is "minimizing" others opinions on post numero 6


karatemom is actually minimizing the minimization. So she's really maximizing. 

There's no minimum post count required for minimizing or maximizing so let's leave her be. 

Plus she knows karate.


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## Touch0Gray (May 29, 2003)

il sogno said:


> karatemom is actually minimizing the minimization. So she's really maximizing.
> 
> There's no minimum post count required for minimizing or maximizing so let's leave her be.
> 
> Plus she knows karate.


Sorry I was out of line on the 6 post comment, I apologize and rescind that part.

I stand corrected
Humbly yours,
Gray


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## barbedwire (Dec 3, 2005)

karatemom said:


> You know, minimizing other people's experiences is not going to make you any friends.



OK, but also claiming that the nerdy, next-door guy who is infatuated with someone is a stalker is as disrespectful to the women who have actually been stalked and feared for their lives from real psycopaths. It trivializes the experience of the sheer terror that these women face on mulitple occasions from their attackers.


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## karatemom (Mar 21, 2008)

No, I would never want to compare my experience to someone who has actually been stalked--I never took him seriously as a stalker, even then (Although I did refer to him as "stalker-boy" when referring to him in conversation). I have read about this, and basically there ARE two kinds of stalkers--the psychopathic kind, and the other, basically misguided individual who just has no idea how to go about this whole romance thing. I read about these in this great book called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. This is where I get this information.


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## barbedwire (Dec 3, 2005)

karatemom said:


> No, I would never want to compare my experience to someone who has actually been stalked--I never took him seriously as a stalker, even then (Although I did refer to him as "stalker-boy" when referring to him in conversation). I have read about this, and basically there ARE two kinds of stalkers--the psychopathic kind, and the other, basically misguided individual who just has no idea how to go about this whole romance thing. I read about these in this great book called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. This is where I get this information.



OK, I understand now. Psychology is kinda an intersting subject and that book sounds pretty good. Maybe, I'll have a look next time I'm in the Barnes & Noble.


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## California L33 (Jan 20, 2006)

karategirl said:


> I don't have statistics, but I'm pretty sure men get stalked, too. Hasn't anyone you know ever had a crazy ex-girlfriend?


I had one high school friend (male) who was stalked by a crazy ex. 

I also had one female friend, who I thought was fairly normal, who got dumped by her boyfriend and began stalking him. She was very proud that she slashed his tires with the dagger she began carrying, drove by his house at all hours, made threatening calls to his new girlfriend, then to top it off, she had a restraining order taken out against him, swearing to a judge that felt 'threatened by his behavior.' I'm glad she was just a friend  She leveled off when she got a new boyfriend, but it was scary to hear her talk before that.


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## Christine (Jul 23, 2005)

_basically there ARE two kinds of stalkers--the psychopathic kind, and the other, basically misguided individual who just has no idea how to go about this whole romance thing. _

Years ago, a guy at work was truly blurring this line. He kept asking me to lunch; I wasn't interested, but my co-worker was like, "Give him a chance! You're being too picky!" So I reluctantly went to lunch with him.....ALWAYS the same exact place. Then he wanted to go to dinner, and like a dope I agreed. After drinking a few bottles of beer one after the other before we even sat down, he proceeded to talk very loudly during the meal, then said, "This time, YOU pay, and the next time, I'll pay." Instead, I cut my losses.

He asked me once to borrow $5 at work, and paid it back no problem. Then he asked to borrow $1,000 and was "unable" to tell me why. Clearly not playing with a full deck.

He left me a dozen white roses on my desk, kinda ridiculous thing to do in a small office. I pulled him aside and explained that we were merely acquaintances, and his reaction was refusal. "No," he said, shocked. "NO, we have chemistry!" and I had to explain, "I'm telling you how I *FEEL*, you can't argue with that!" People walking by the conference room commented that they were wondering what all the yelling was about (his loudness again.) 

He then started calling/hanging up on my home voicemail. Luckily, I was in the process of moving and got an unlisted # (he had gotten mine off caller ID once when I called for the dinner thing.) He sent me an e-mail in French, classical French like from another era (explained to me by a French co-worker, and it wasn't merely copied from a book, it was specific.) 

Eventually, the company was sold, I settled into the new apartment (after contemplating the purchase of a gun) and he found a girlfriend. While on vacation, I checked my e-mail and learned that he had killed himself. I do feel bad that he was suffering that much from whatever the cause was.


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## dirtgurl (Dec 1, 2007)

I had missed this thread when it originally came up. It really hits home. 

I had an online stalker a couple of years ago. It really creeped me out. I used to post a lot on a forum related to another one of my interests. I was pretty open about my real name, city, occupation, etc. (Which, I also found out, when you're in a management role for MegaGiganticCorp, can get you letters from the legal dept. telling you that you are not authorized to post an opinion on the internet that could be construed as speaking for the company in any way, blah blah blah. That was nice of them to clarify that.)

Anyway, one of the other posters realized we lived in the same city, and we commented in a couple of posts about things related to the area. Then he started PMing me. All pretty lighthearted. Then he PMed asking if I'd like to meet in person. I wasn't really interested in that, so I made excuses a couple of times. Then he asks me out on a date via PM. "I'd like to take you on a date sometime and get to know you better. You pick the date & time." Ummm, never? So I politely (I can too be polite) told him I really wasn't interested. He seemed to handle it well enough, but PMed me a couple of times saying he wished I'd change my mind. I didn't reply.

Two weeks later, I get a phone call from him at home asking if I might consider just meeting him for coffee somewhere. WTF? How did he get this number? Oh, I'm in the book. Declined again.

Then it was like something snapped and he got really ugly. I'd get voice mails saying, "Hey, *****, think you're too good for me, huh?", "Whatsamatter, *******, don't like white guys?" and other nice things like that. Creepy, but I just deleted them.

Then one day I get a call from him while I'm at work. WTF? How did you get this number? Well, not real hard to call my employer and get put thru I guess. "Don't call me here, dammit. In fact, don't call me at all!" Talked to a cop friend, who said he could fill out an incident report, but that the guy hadn't made any threats and there really wasn't much they could do. 

The following week I get a call from him at work, but he doesn't use his name, and he used the "blocked call" thing so there's no caller ID. "Raven, you know who this is. I'm looking in your bedroom window. You left your bra hanging on the doorknob again."

I'm a pretty tough gal. Grew up surrounded by macho guys, taught how to use a gun when I was 12, got a pistol for my 16th birthday, and fought off several drunk frat guys in college. Even had to pull the gun twice. None of that really bothered me. But this really freaked me out. This guy is OUTSIDE MY HOUSE? LOOKING IN MY BEDROOM WINDOW????

I called my cop friend. He was about to leave for a much deserved 3-day weekend with his wife. I didn't want to interrupt that, and decided to wait until he got back. The next Monday, I got another call from him. "Raven, I'm looking in your bathroom window. My ex-girlfriend used that same brand of tampons. Must be the brand favored by heartless *****es worldwide."

Called me friend immediately. They pulled him in and interviewed him. He admitted having called me to ask me out on a date, but claimed he had never threatened me, said he'd never even said anything unkind, and claimed he'd stopped weeks ago. They actually ran his cell phone records and it turned out the last few times I'd gotten calls, it hadn't come from his cell phone. Maybe he bought a trackfone or something? But my friend got in his face pretty good, and I think he had some other friends drive by the guys' house a few times in their cruisers just for a little intimidation factor. I never got another call from him.

Looking back, I don't know if he was actually outside my house or not. He never said what brand of tampon he claimed to be seeing through the bathroom window. And I realized there had been an old, old thread on the discussion board about things men and women do that annoy each other. Someone had commented about hanging your bra on the closet doorknob, and I just threw in the comment, "Doesn't everyone do that?" So he could have gleaned it from there and just guessed that there'd be one hanging on my closet that day. Or he could have actually been outside my bedroom window looking in.

My lease was almost up, and I had been wanting to move anyway, so I moved shortly after that. Didn't get a landline, just went total cell phone. Stopped posting on that forum. Really stopped posting on any forums for a couple of years. Now, I have started again, but am very cautious about posting anything that a weirdo could use to work back to my home address. And I usually just say I work for a huge company in the telecommunications industry, rather than identifying the specific company. I don't live in fear, but I guess it's like people who've had identity theft who are now a lot more cautious about shredding private documents and such. Once you've been bitten, you're more cautious about it. That's kind of tough because I really love talking to people, and I'm kind of a natural flirt, and I realize that 99.99% of all online interactions are harmless - like the boyz in the Lounge - but I really don't want psycho boy showing up on my doorstep again.


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## il sogno (Jul 15, 2002)

dirtgurl said:


> I had missed this thread when it originally came up. It really hits home.
> ........
> 
> That's kind of tough because I really love talking to people, and I'm kind of a natural flirt, and I realize that 99.99% of all online interactions are harmless - like the boyz in the Lounge - but I really don't want psycho boy showing up on my doorstep again.


Wow. Now that's a stalker story.


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## karatemom (Mar 21, 2008)

See, these are seriously creepy stalker stories--both of the last two.


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## VaughnA (Jun 3, 2003)

*Update on the original story.*

I believe it was my thread in the lounge that was mentioned as the catalyst for this thread. 

In the time since the note was left she has ridden on the local mut many times and hasn't heard from the guy. We just left it alone and she carried bear spray and her phone. We've basically forgotten about him and gone on with our lives. She still keeps an eye out for anything strange whenever she's on the trails alone. Luckily our trails are usually pretty busy and safe.


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## snapdragen (Jan 28, 2004)

Good to hear Vaughn, I was a tad creeped out by the guy in your original thread.


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## PomPilot (May 17, 2006)

dirtgurl said:


> ...I had an online stalker a couple of years ago. It really creeped me out. I used to post a lot on a forum related to another one of my interests. ...


Sounds a lot like what happened on another forum I participate on about that same time frame as well. If screen names, Parabellum, lbj, B27 or X-eyed ring a bell, then it would really be a wierd coincidence.


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## indysteel (Jul 21, 2006)

I just caught up on this thread having missed some of the debate. I will admit that the stories I related aren't STALKER stalker stories, but I related them in the spirit of sharing. But situations don't have to rise to the level of stalking, as defined by the criminal code, to be threatening. Sometimes, I don't think women listen to, or are encouraged to listen, to our guts enough. Either of the situations I shared could have gotten a lot weirder if I'd passed them off as innocuous.


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